10 minutes younger
Not quite J-Lo!
Not my words; those of Nicky Hambleton-Jones, reptilian sprite of bad cheer and conspicuous consumption, put on earth perhaps solely to make Gillian McKeith seem sympathetic. Good heavens. I've never seen a full episode of this programme before and it is more appalling than I feared. 10 Years Younger(C4, 8pm) is the extreme makeover show that parades wrinkled women in a shopping precinct, gets a median age estimate from idiots and then promises to take ten years off it through the use of surgery, dentistry, a decent haircut and a lesson in "accessorising"! Couldn't be simpler! This programme is You Are What You Eat without the social conscience or the public service remit. This week, poor old Shirley, 41 (above), who's certainly lived a hard life in the North-East of England and is self-conscious about her asymmetric face and baggy eyes (something that might, according to her boss, limit her chances of promotion - eeeek!), went through the mill with Nicky at her side, having new veneers on her "tombstone teeth" (yes, it has a sarky voiceover, which does it no credit), a load of meat carved out of her cheeks, metal staples plunged into her skull, her eyes beaten to a bruised pulp, multicoloured hair extensions to replace her Mo Slater crop and a few belts to de-accentuate her big belly. (Oh, and she also had her face sanded down. I kid you not.) On top of this lot, she was painted in by a professional makeup artist to give the impression of looking like a new woman, when in reality it means Shirley will now have to spend an hour in the bathroom before feeling presentable enough to enter the kitchen. She is now hooked on cosmetics, handbags, "narrow scarves" and imported Russian hair. Stiched up, or stapled up, like a kipper. And she seemed a really nice person. Now she looked like a middle aged man in drag, but the same idiots in the shopping precinct thought she looked 38. Which she doesn't. Yes, I'll be tuning in next week.
I am currently reading In Cold Blood by Truman Capote, trying to finish it before I see Capote on Monday. In it, an officer investigating the murder of the Clutter family in Kansas describes an interview with an aged crone who runs a rooming house where one of the suspects stayed. "She was 74 years old but looked younger - maybe 10 minutes younger."
posted by Andrew Collins @ 2:11 PM
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If it's possible for Gordon Ramsey to not sand and be a success so it should be for a woman who happens to look like him (was that boss male or female I wonder?) By the way if you tune in next week Andrew I'm not sure you can call those people idiots anymore, karma and all that. And now I have to resume watching My Name Is Earl.
Sorry, Simon, was that harsh? It wasn't meant to be. However, if you allow yourself to get sucked into guessing a poor woman's age for the cameras in a shopping precinct, I do believe you are merely adding to the misery of this world.
Oh, and yes, it was a female boss.
No it's not as harsh as what I was going to say but ducked out of at the last minute... that if you watch the show again you're an idiot like them! Funny how in those before and after shots the victim always looks cross 'before' and smiley 'after' - as Earl might say, everyone looks younger with a smile (someone should tell Hambleton-Jones and that boss).
Just to clarify, I do not think that tuning in again will make you an idiot, it would take more than that I'm sure. By the way, I wonder why their makeup artist doesn't do those animal faces popular with children, that could make someone look younger.
i heard somewhere that 'andrew collins has had his teeth done' can't remember where though. Was it a previous episode of this very programme?. Perhaps you want to look '31' whatever that is supposed to be these days!!!! All these well-documented visits to 'Toni And Guy' as well...
hmm i await the airing of this episode of TYY
I have "had my teeth done". It is no secret. I had them fixed two years ago, and was quite upfront about it on my then-daily 6 Music show. It was when I started to appear on talking head shows. There was one, about the Spice Girls, where an arty director used close-ups of various parts of people's faces. The close-up of my wonky teeth was just too much! (I found the number of the dentist in an article in Heat magazine, just to make the story that bit less shallow.)
Reading Heat and saying you'll tune in to 10yy this week when last week's was the last in the series... no, still takes more than that! Incidentally, one of my favourite lines from Earl last week, 'It wasn't easy but then the hard things in life never are', suggests that a more truly Earl-like line would be, 'Everyone looks happier with a smile'.
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