Do you ever yearn? I yearn
I know Jerry. He's not a Nazi. He's just neat.
OK, Seinfeld update. Due to precise maximisation of time and a day at home yesterday, I managed to do my prescribed amount of sitcom writing (two scenes, one tickle of an existing scene), walk into Reigate for a particular juice from Marks & Spencer (pineapple, peach and passion fruit), a Mother's Day card and a birthday card for my niece, pick up a copy of the Independent because I was in it (see: previous entry), eat a hearty lunch of sausages and soup, exercise and watch a batch of Seinfelds. I call that a very good day. For the record, I finally finished Season Three. (Seasons Four and Five arrived in the post yesterday.) That's:
The Limo
The Good Samaritan
The Parking Space
The Letter
The Keys
Of these five, I laughed out loud the most at The Limo, which took place in a limo, and featured Peter Krause, later of Six Feet Under, as a Nazi. But The Keys caused me to smile the most. I admired The Parking Space, and enjoyed the fact that so much of it was shot outside, in real time, with darkness setting in, but it didn't amuse me as much as the lower-concept episodes. We also treated ourselves to the 15-minute Season Three blooper reel, which was, let me check, ah yes, the funniest thing in the world. Seinfeld, Alexander, Richards and Louis-Dreyfus seem to laugh the whole time while making the show; clearly this can't be the case, and it's the illusion a blooper-reel creates, but as professional comedians and actors, they certainly seem to fill up and brim over with laughter a lot. I love the imaptience of the director's voice, off-camera: "Compose yourselves, guys. We're still rolling." Imagine being cross with the cast of Seinfeld.
Not that I'm obsessed or anything, but I am nearing the end of Sein Language too, which is proving the perfect Toilet Book. I don't usually have a Toilet Book. The toilet is a place to keep up with the New Yorker, whose articles are so long, they take a number of sittings - the one I'm on at the moment about a bunch of bohemians buying up swathes of the Dominican Republic has been open for days. (I prefer the train for a book, you get longer sittings - about half an hour between Redhill and Victoria. Although the new New Statesman usually trumps the book, and I'll read as much of it as I can in a return journey on a Friday or Saturday, then release it to the coffee table for communal use.) The Seinfeld book comes in bite-sized pieces of wit and wisdom, so it's perfect for the toilet. As mentioned, I like to maximise my time. So I'll continue reading the book while I brush my teeth. This involves standing over the book, not over the sink, so I have to make sure I keep all the toothpaste spit inside my mouth, and usually have to break off from reading once to expel. This, I think of as an efficeient use of time. Time and motion. There's nothing to do while you clean your teeth. And the book's just sitting there. I use an electric toothbrush that shuts off after two minutes to tell me when I'm done cleaning. I never read on past the two-minute shut-off. Those are the rules.
I realise this is turning into a Seinfeld routine. That's the effect he has on you. He makes you ponder the mundane. Seinfeld also claims to maximise his time. "When I'm making my bed and I tuck in one side of the sheet, I stay bent over as I walk to tuck in the other side. Why stand up and then bend again? It's a waste of life."
By the way, should you ever need a definitive Seinfeld episode guide, it's here.
posted by Andrew Collins @ 6:55 AM
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That stuff on Seinfield is good, but where do you get those "2 minute toothbrushes" from....? (Tim Bowling)
Seinfeld rocked! Andrew, what was the episode where all the scenes played in reverse order? That was amazing! I used to love staying up late mid week to watch this and The Larry Sanders Show on BBC2. Happy Days...
2 minutes wouldn't be enough for me. I usually take about 6-8 minutes with my electric toothbrush and either watch telly or do a spot of internet browsing whilst brushing. I too can't bear the idea of 'dead time'...
Actually your toothbrush bit reads more like Nicholson Baker than Seinfeld. I admire your degree of organisation. I usually just forget to brush my teeth. Despite this (or because of it) I haven't been to a dentist since 1983. I also haven't vomitted since 1983 - is this a longer period than Jerry claims in Seinfeld? I can't remember.
I've just finished season six: commentaries, notes about nothing, not-very-well-hidden easter eggs and all.
Season six! In some way I'm glad still to have Seasons four and five ahead of me before I get to six. I only watched Seinfeld sporadically when it was on, so there are quite a few I have never seen. What fun.
I don't think I know the ep mentioned above where the scenes run in reverse. It's a pleasure that still awaits.
I think The Betrayal from season nine is the one told backwards. I'd completely forgotten about that one but looking at the synopsis on the linked site brings it back. It was very funny. I don't think it's too much of a SPOILER to quote the final scene from the synopsis:
"Eleven years earlier, new resident Jerry tells his neighbor across the hall, whom he calls Kessler (it's the name on the mailbox), that what's mine is yours."
If you're just starting season four, does this mean you've seen The Contest before or not?
Seen The Contest, if that's the one about being master of your domain . . . (as I say, I've seen episodes from all the series, just never sat down religiously to watch the programme, due to it being so elusively scheduled - and not fully realising what I was missing, a failure on my part that I am currently addressing, with gusto!)
I only asked if you'd seen it because if you hadn't I'd have looked forward to an entertaining blog entry. Not that they're not all entertaining of course. Here, hold this spade; I'll get me coat.
The scheduling of Seinfeld is a mystery. It did start out with a reasonable slot on BBC2 but even though both I and my dog watched it, it was shunted off to the graveyard before it had had a chance to establish itself. That was doubly confusing because: BBC2 must have known the show had been a real sleeper in the US; isn't the fact that something is just really really good enough for it to justify a decent slot on BBC2? Rhoda always got a decent slot didn't it?
Praise the lord for Freeview and the free-to-air digital stations. Bad scheduling on BBC2 has no need to ever happen again. (Look at the way C4 manhandled The West Wing - now it has a home on More4 where it's cared for, and repeated in regular slots. Shame it's coming to an end, but at least we know the final episode will air in its usual place. Even the shows that straddle C4 and E4 leave us in better shape. Miss ER or My Name Is Earl? No problem. E4 are even playing the last three Earls tonight, I think, as an easy catch-up, mid-series, for other reason than they can.
Three cheers for Freeview certainly. (But boo to ITV for replacing Men And Motors with a new quiz channel in April, although I couldn't watch M&M any less than I do already. And boo to Channel 4 for Quiz Call, even though I've won money on there.) It is great that people who know they want to see something can see it. It's just a shame that people who don't know they want to see it are less likely to if it's stuck away on a "ghetto" channel.
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