Thinking inside the box
Apprentice latest
[SPOILER ALERT! If you have yet to see episode two of The Apprentice read no further as I will reveal who was fired.]
Yet again, I despair at the unholy combination of vacuity, ineptitude and self-belief exhibited by the contestants in this compelling series. They are even more fatuous and irritating and bullish than last year's 14. The boys ('Invicta') and the girls ('Velocity') remain pitched until the numbers come down, and that means neither gender feels the need to temper their traits: Invicta are aggressive and nasty, Velocity are emotional and airy-fairy. Having said that, while Jo continues to behave as if she is undiganosed bipolar (in which case, like the fired Ben, she deserves our sympathy and should get out of this stressful game), we had tears from two of the men when the going got tough. These people are living on the spare tank of adrenalin. Many of them are not up to the job of working with other people, let alone the job Sir Alan is offering one of them.
Their task: to produce and flog a calendar for Gt Ormond Street. Though Invicta took longer to get theirs off the flipchart, neither team did a good job. The Invicta calendar (babies dressed as grown-ups - always a winner with those who miss the Mini-Pops) was ugly and cheap-looking, the Velocity one (kittens in a "contemporary" style) was illogical and unusable as a calendar. Neither sold well, but the boys' seemed to impress one calendar company and they won some caviar, champagne and hubris. Nargis, the Velocity team leader, a pharmacist, gave the worst presentations I've ever seen, even on training courses ("I haven't finished speaking, sorry"), and yet - guess what? - she seemed oblivious to her own shortcomings. She pulled the irritating Jo into the boardroom to detract from her own uselessness, but the coup failed, and she was fired. Good. The most ineffectual of an ineffectual bunch got the taxi of doom back to Civvy Street. The sight of a triumphant Jo punching the air again almost had my dinner up.
This is top quality telly. If you like watching maladjusted twerps humilating themselves for £3,000 each (which is apparently what they get as an appearance fee). For me, Invicta won tonight's show for the sheer number of boardroom cliches they managed to employ: thinking inside the box, singing from the same hymnsheet, coming from leftfield, putting things on the table, moving forward - the entire handbook was there. I'd prefer the programme if the loser was actually fired from a cannon into the sea. (I can't believe I am watching a series where Sir Alan Sugar speaks for me.)
posted by Andrew Collins @ 11:50 PM
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15 Comments:
I had filled in my "Boardroom Bingo" card within minutes. I pride myself at being able to watch just about anything but have to admit to closing my eyes, putting my fingers in my ears and going "la-la-la" by the time it came to Nargis and the six million cats pitch for the third time. Now all I can hear in my head is the dreaded Katie Melua singing "There are six million cat owners in the UK, that's a fact" Classic TV.
Classic car-crash telly. Jo is quite clearly bonkers, and Nargis has the presentation skills of a petulant 10 year old. Run a project team? She couldn't run a bath... (Tim Bowling)
It really is as good as the last series. Perhaps it might be better, just because all the contestants are so hateful and will make great viewing.
The right person got fired and I even felt a bit sorry for Jo, though she's clearly nuts.
However, what is it with men today that they burst into tears at the drop of a hat? Not that there's anything wrong with showing a bit of emotion when the time is right of course, but the minute things don't go their way they cry! It's ridiculous. Sir Alan would never stand for this kind of look-at-me behaviour in business. If it's just the hard work that's exhausting them to tears then they obviously have very undemanding jobs. It's time to toughen up.
I blame Princess Diana.
Here's my view on the latest Apprentice candidates:
Alexa: Unknown quantity, seems nice but the provocative way she handled those melons in first series could be sign of malicious hidden depths.
Ansell: Quality, clearly the boys mediator, could go the distance.
Jo: Clearly mad as a box of frogs, should stay for sheer cringe-factor - Wo-hoo!
Karen: Clever, good head on shoulders, definite contender for the job.
Mani: Grinning sweary nutter who should never be allowed to make any presentations again – ever.
Michelle: Chancer, that wink to the fruit and veg seller in the last episode marks her card, - watch her!
Paul: Could sell coals to Newcastle and probably has.
Samuel: Won't last, too busy brainstorming, it's all getting too emotional....
Ruth: Could last the distance but too early to say.
Syed: The Paul of the second series, he's sell his own grandmother for the job.
Sharon: Too much of a Michelle look-a-like
Tuan: Self-confessed control freak and too emotional, threw toys and of cot and sat in a corner and cried when things didn't go his way, his days are numbered.
I tried watching the first show and hated it. This is too much like my day job (I'm a project manager for a well known multinational). When I go home it's the last thing I want to watch.
Give me a Top 100 Talking Head Clips show any day...
babygirl
I think Sir Alan is fair in his judgement so far because before he even fired i had already judged the case and arrived at a conclusion myself and i guessed right.
He has been fair and straight.
Also i believe that viewers should not only see this show as an entertaiment but see it as an act of learning that is if you want to start your own business. I don't think that the contestants ever thought they were going to sell on the street, produce calendars, cook or whatever. So to me it is an act of learning. Learn Also!!!
Are they serious? There you have the apparently smartest, wittiest and business savvy young entrepreneurs, (well, that's what they say about themselves) and then you get to see something like last night's show! These people even make common sense seem uncommon and lack of everything Sir Alan Sugar could be looking for in an apprentice. It is truly unbelievable that 13 "business people" manage to pitch (let's not talk about design) a calendar without any idea of wholesale!?
If I was Sir Alan I would have fired them all last night. A cast like this makes an engaging programme really look foolish.
Sir Alan can not seriously consider employing one of these wimps at the end of the show, can he?!
Nagis had her suitcase by her side before she went into the boardroom to be fired, then you saw her walk out through the doors with it, so it was obviously all set up for the viewers.
Nargis had a suitcase by her side in the waiting room which she collected to leave AFTER she was fired, so it was obviously set up for the viewers
They all had their suitcases adjacent to them. Not just Nargis.
Congratulations Nargis! You win the award for the worst sales presentations ever! They were embarassing to watch. After all, who should be allowed to interrupt YOU? After all, you ARE selling! A pathetic performance, and you thought you would be the "Apprentice"?
As an NHS doctor, I'm depressed to say that I recognise every one of these self-obsessed incompetents. They seem sadly typical of the sorry specimens found in NHS boardrooms throughout the country. Compelling TV, but excruciatingly close to the bone.
I don't want this to turn into a kicking of the 'suits', however ... This week at work, the company's sales department have relocated to our floor, and currently, sitting right behind me, is an effusive Scots bloke who's hitting the phones hard. "How the devil are you?" is his opening gambit on every call. "I just want to touch base". "No, I understand that you're just trying to manage my expectations". "Let me run this by you". It's driving me nuts.
If I hear, one more time, that he's had "the man-flu" this week ... well, I'll probably post another grumpy missive to another blog.
For the two people who mentioned about the packed bags, and it being a set up. It was mentioned in the first series that everyone goes to the boardroom at the end with their bags. In the first episode of this new series that can be seen leaving the house with their bags.
Yes, I believe a lot is done for dramatic effect. But I don't think it's a set up.
None of the women, apart from the one who was fired (daddy's little princess) and Jo (drama queen) have exhibited any sign of personality yet that I could see...
The men came off better, even if they were spouting cliches left right and centre...
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