Variables
The Apprentice: Week Nine
[SPOILER ALERT! . . .]
The final six, with Ruth moved to Invicta alongside Syed and Tuan, and Paul moved to Velocity alongside Michelle and Ansell, for a simple case of flat-letting in Clapham and Battersea (although at least one property was actually in Vauxhall, which tells you all you need to know about London estate agents). It was fun seeing Syed out of his depth and admitting it, albeit blaming it on the property business rather than his own shortcomings ("It's not my bag"). As an East End lad, he proved his lack of knowledge of what can only be described as Another Part Of London by mistaking a railway bridge over the Wandsworth Road for Wandsworth Bridge, which traverses the Thames. (Viewers from outside London may not appreciate the significance of this, but believe me, you'd have to be pretty stupid. And Syed is pretty stupid, despite those "flashes of brilliance" later identified by Sir Alan. How we loved seeing him wandering about, lost, shouting out, "Nicholas? Nicholas? Nicholas? Nicholas?" to passers by.) Michelle and Paul didn't get on, but that's because she reminds him of his nemesis Sharon, and because she seemed to confine him to base rather than let him sell, which is his strength. Mind you, he also had little time for the property business because unlike his usual gig, headhunting, where you can "talk a job up, talk a job down" (that sounds like a useful skill), letting a flat has too many "variables". Syed then criticised Tuan for using too many "financial terms" when selling, like "consultant" and "variables". Now I'm no economist, but they don't sound like financial terms to me.
Ruth came into her own once again, with a Brummie war cry of "In comes the Badger!" She closed five of Invicta's six deals (or leads) and did so through sheer, hard-hatted confidence. I'll have to check but I think I picked her out of the herd early on, and I congratulate myself for doing so. She's such a winner that even when she wound up on the losing team - and, by dint of numbers, up before the beak with Syed and Tuan - she was given an official reprieve by Sir Alan, who gave her the thumbs-up for admitting she's in this for herself. So, Syed and Tuan sweated, while Velocity went off for a cookery course with Raymond Blanc at what Sir Alan believes is called "Le Memoir", but is actually called Le Manoir (good idea: give Paul and Ansell more rich food - let's hope Paul didn't spill anything on any of those elaborately badged rugby shirts with the collars turned up for maximum drink-your-own-vomit effect). Tuan's minutes were numbered. As project leader, he had again failed to project or lead, and though fluent in his defence, had nothing of any coherence to say. Why should Sir Alan hire him? "Because I won't start three steps back." No, you won't start at all. Syed once again proved incapable of shutting up, even when Sir Alan warned him, and he even tried to talk after Tuan had been fired!
The big question is: did Sir Alan call Ruth "dear" in the boardroom, or was he just saying "here" in that special East End barrow-boy accent of his?
As the numbers are reduced, so is the programme, like a fine Raymond Blanc sauce at Le Memoir.
Previous reviews:
Week One
Week Two
Week Three
Week Four
Week Five
Week Six
Week Seven
Week Eight
posted by Andrew Collins @ 12:46 AM
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10 Comments:
I thought he called her "dear", which I'm sure has amounted to harrassment in some of these big-money city court cases recently.
I worried myself this week by warming to Syed, possibly because he didn't know where Wandsworth Bridge was, and I couldn't loathe someone who was that daft. I'm glad you found Tuan totally incomprehensible as well. I was worried it was just me.
As for estate agents, we contacted one a few weeks ago to look at a property in Vauxhall. He said it had gone (though two weeks later it's still on the website) but they could show us another one "nearby." "Nearby" turned out to be Camberwell, though he insisted it was Vauxhall. (It wasn't. It was just behind Camberwell College, i.e. just off Peckham Road. There's a clue in the name.) So not a fan of estate agents - trying to move to Battersea or Vauxhall and they are trying to convince me I want to live in Peckham.
Anyway, loved the review, as ever.
Px
If Syed doesn't go next week, I'm emigrating...
Definitely 'dear' or 'deer'. I found it tedious this week although I woke up when Ruth said 'In comes the badger' - my mind boggled, until her name was shown.
How the 'normal people' of Yorkshire must be sick of the likes of Paul - there must be idiots like him from every county but they only ever mention it when they're from Yorkshire.
Thought SirAlan could've dropped the usual 'lay into the safe one then fire the other one' routine as it was so obvious that Tuan was going - just made it look even more artificial.
100k job should go to... the receptionist who calls them in.
Favourite moment of the series so far (2 weeks ago): Sir Alan: 'Michelle,' Michelle: 'What?'.
I feel for that secretary. This year's lot never say thank you or even glance her way when she tells them they can go back in, I think it's rude, but then, they are aren't they?
I think some people used to thank the secretary. I guess they've all been sacked. Hardly surprising.
Paul's professional Yorkshireman act is grating, especially as he looks, dresses, and (most importantly) talks like a public shoolboy. Of course, if he came from London he wouldn't go on about it at all because he'd assume that everyone comes from London. He'd be no less of a knob though.
The funniest thing about Michelle saying "What?" is that it's those one word sentences where she can't hide the worst excesses of the Hull accent. And she's trying so hard. I feel for her even though she's a bit rubbish.
No, the big question is: did you see the coat Tuan was wearing when he was booted off the premises at the end?
It was *another* Ronnie Barker "Open All Hours" coat! Only it was three sizes too big for him, the poor chap. However, halfway through the taxi journey, it had magically vanished from around his shoulders - spooky.
Thinking again, it might have been more like the coat Arthur English wore as the caretaker, Mr Harmen, in Are You Being Served.
Is this a general fashion trend in London?
Phil -
I live in London, and can safely say, no, it isnt.
As for Paul's "professional Yorkshireman" act, I originally come from Bradford, and would just like to disown him publicly :-)
One of the things that annoys me, by the way, about Sir Alan, is his insistence that everyone calls him "Sir" Alan. Surely once you've got the "Sir" bit you should stop feeling like you have something to prove?
Px
I know Sir Ben Kingsley is the same about the Sir thing. He will just ignore you if call him just plain ol' Ben.
Talking of "Here Come the Badgers", if you haven't already seen this:
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/special+edition/
I like the fact that they call him Sir Alan, especially when they do it en masse. It takes me back to "Good morning, class", "Good morning, sir" at school. And even god (the one with the christian values) demands a bit of worshipping of a Sunday.
Tuan did visibly shrink by about a foot during the last programme; the coat probably fitted him at the start.
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