Choo a Communist?*
One Mop, One Future
Sorry, but I had a moment in Homebase, Reigate, yesterday. I was in there to buy a replacement cleaning head for a Vileda mop. I found the mop aisle. I could not find the correct cleaning head. There were countless mops, many of them by Vileda, and countless cleaning heads, but none was the exact fit of the mop we had at home in the futility room. (Indeed, the latest Vileda is called the Rapid AttrActive, which is a fucking stupid name. It squirts water, which is handy, as filling a bucket with water is so difficult.) What was a man to do? I was forced, by market forces, and the great conspiracy of built-in obselescence, to buy a whole new mop, and with it some replacement heads for the future. But what future? (I bought an Addis mop this time, just to spite Vileda, who appear to be doing what all companies interested in making a profit do, and that's constantly "upgrading" their products, thus creating an artificial demand that they can breezily supply.)
It was at that moment, in Homebase, that I dreamt of State Communism. Imagine it! One standardised mop, manufactured by the state, so that we all have the same mop, and require the same replacement cleaning heads! Less discarded mops! Less stress in the mop aisle! More time for cleaning! A cleaner world and one wiped clean of doubt! (I hesitate to advertise Addis, who are, after all, a company that makes plastic things, thus filling the world with unbiodegradable waste and adding to this with their constant upgrades, but they were the lesser of two evils. In fact, they and Vileda seem to have the mainstream plastic mop market sewn up between them.)
Sometimes market forces are idiots.
*Scarface, where Al Pacino is being questioned by US Customs and Immigration
posted by Andrew Collins @ 12:21 PM
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17 Comments:
mop top agitprop
see also: Back In The USSR
I had the same problem last summer when the mother-in-law asked me to buy a replacement mop head.
To my dismay after trapsing round every supermarket and diy store known to man, not being able to find anything semi compatable. I was reluctant to purchase a whole new unit. So good old fashioned hands and knees and tough sponge did the trick. Hard work though, i was exhausted afterwards.
Funny you should say that, Anon. I used the mop on the kitchen floor this morning, and to make a decent job of it, I had to follow through with a sponge, on hands and knees.
Andrew.
I had a similar "moment" the last time I went to the shops to buy a new cartridge for my lexmark printer. Cost of new cartridge = £30-ish. Cost of brand new, better, lexmark printer (including cartridge) = £19.99! WTF! Naturally I buy the new printer and consign the old one to be a 'spare'. Utter madness.
Apropos-ish of this, recently I bought a £2.99 Wilkinson Sword safety razor from Boots and 100 razor blades (the old-fashioned, flat, double-edged kind) online for £16, which will probably last me years.
(So less than 20p per blade)
Oh, and a shaving brush, which is nice but possibly verging on affectation.
It's better, actually, as well as cheaper and a blesséd release from the perverse manipulations inflicted on us by Gillette (who appear to have the market virtually sewn up. Five blades is taking the piss, frankly).
You should have foreseen this problem, on purchasing the mop, we are now having similar problems with hoover bags. I used to read your old blog religiously and have only just found this new one - brilliant to see you back. No-one else makes the minute and banal details of everyday life seem so interesting.
Have just found this after listening to your radio show, it's very good. And very nice revolutionary rant there, are you sure you haven't turned into Mark Steel?
is the last comment in the Russell Brand thread going to be deleted soon?
I was just about to point out that if the 6Music message boards were going doolally over RussB, the boys and girls at the Radio2 board are going to have their work cut out as he appears to be filling in for Mark Radcliffe, when I read she said she said's post, and would like to second their request for the comment to be deleted too, free speach is a wonderful thing, but that's just such an unpleasant post. And a potential libel.
More kitten pictures might just lighten the mood.
I'm sorry, that should read free SPEECH. Oh dear.
The comment about Russell has been deleted. Forgive slow response.
You can't be everywhere. Another thing your communist state would probably be better at.
Oh! how I wish I knew what that deleted comment was...
I know you are a stickler for grammar and punctuation.
It's "fewer" discarded mops. Not "less".
Instead of dreaming of a mono-mop-culture, why not get an old fashioned wooden mop handle (can be used for other things too, not just mops) and an old fashioned mop head made of string. Both still available in hardware stores, department stores etc. Not much plastic, they do a fine job, and you will be supporting small business. Best of all, you can use this type of mop as a dance partner, if necessary.
At least I will search no more - to buy a whole new system is not in my money saving plans - I will never buy Vileda again!
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