Do you want me to tidy these up?
Haircut!
I'm not putting this picture in just so that you can admire the practical new summer haircut I had on Wednesday, although you can if you want. It's there to illustrate this anecdote about the perils of having your hair cut at a reasonably trendy ladies' hairdressers with disco music playing when you are a man in his very early forties. I had my hair cut by a proper old-fashioned man's barber in Brixton for about seven years and was quite happy doing so, having had it cut by a proper old-fashioned man's barber in Parsons Green while I was at college. I drifted into having it cut rather more expensively at what I still quaintly call a salon sometime in the late 90s, I think. I must admit, I enjoy the whole pampering experience. Having my hair washed by a stranger is quite theraputic, especially with the peppermint conditioner they use at Toni & Guy in Reigate, which reminds me of my tea, and I don't object to the light head massage either. For a man who leads a busy life like mine, it is a rare oasis of calm and indulgence. (I always leave a one pound tip for the young person who washes my hair and a four pound tip for the hairstylist - I'd like to know from other people if this is mean or generous. I'd hate to stand out for either in the ritualistic world of the ladies' hairdresser.)
Anyway, I usually ask for Mel or Laura at Toni & Guy, but this week I had no such luxury of choice as I only had Wednesday afternoon to play with when Lee went to play football with other comedians, and I didn't know for sure if the game was on until the end of Tuesday. The only stylist available was James, who doesn't know my hair, but I trust the general proficiency of the Toni & Guy stylist and accepted the 4.45 appointment. James, like the other male stylists in there, is in the gender minority and looks gay and modern. He might not be gay, he just wears a tight, ribbed t-shirt and is a hairdresser. It doesn't matter anyway, I'm just trying to describe the vast chasm that existed between us when he took my jacket and attentively did up the velcro and belt of my Toni & Gay smock. (Neither Mel nor Laura do it up for me. I usually do it myself.) I am a confident human being, but I felt old and unfashionable and straight in James's presence. There is something about telling a hairdresser, male or female, gay or not gay, what you would like doing to your hair that brings me out in a rash of self-consciousnes. This is the consultation part, before the wash. At a man's barber's, you also tell him what you want, but he is not about to massage peppermint into your head, and it doesn't feel quite as vain under his big sheet and without disco music playing. (My old barber used to have Cypriot radio on.) I explained to James that I wanted a lot cutting off, short and uneven enough on top to spike up, and with a soft but uneven fringe left at the front, short at the sides but not severe. I wondered if he thought, "Why does this old man care so much about the subtleties of a haircut? Unlike me, he is not going out clubbing tonight to pick up girls or boys." He probably didn't. Surely you'd have to learn not to be judgmental in a job like hairdresser?
James also washed my hair, which was good, in that I saved a pound in tips (I just left him the stylist's four pounds), but weird in that he and were going on this hair journey together. There is a great deal of trust in this arrangement. Your head is literally in his hands. There is also the pressure to chat. I like to not chat, so that I don't have to talk about my job, which is what you usually end up talking about, but at the same time, James seemed happy to say nothing as he worked and I cracked first, making some inane comment about my hair growing fast. It broke the ice though, and he ended up telling me all about trying to order a bacon and sausage sandwich from Morrisons, which I didn't quite follow, but was glad of the relaxed nature of the chat. He also complimented me as he neared the end of my cut, saying, "They're going to be asking to see your ID." I did look a lot younger with my short hair, but this could of course mean 39. I appreciated his flattery. I should have given him five pounds.
The weird part came just before the ID comment. James was trimming my sideburns and he said the phrase I have used to headline this entry. Did I want him to tidy these up? He meant my eyebrows. I have quite thick eyebrows. I try to keep them tidy myself by plucking the longest hairs out when I am feeling up to the intense pain. I have been lax on this score of late though and they did look a bit wild. When James blow-dried my hair they actually blew in the wind. He noticed this, which is why he was offering to trim them. This struck me as a bad idea, and it was then that I realised for sure that James had cut my hair once before, about a year ago, when he asked exactly the same thing and I said no then too, as I was coming up to my 40th birthday and I felt it a milestone I was not ready to pass. My dad, whose eyebrow genes I proudly carry, has a pair of Denis Healeys, and he has them trimmed by his hairdresser. They look very neat, but trimmed. I don't want mine trimmed, like a hedge. I'd rather pluck them.
The question is: does James only ask old men if they want their eyebrows tidying up? Or does he ask young men with hairy eyebrows too? I like to think of myself as a reconstructed man who's just gay enough, but it's a fine line to tread. Is it more gay to have them trimmed or to pluck? (Both methods will cause rapid regrowth, but surely cutting is worse than plucking?)
James has that de rigueur New Wave haircut all the trendy young men have that's long on top and at the back, and highlighted. At least I don't have that. Not at my age.
(The photo, by the way, was taken yesterday morning, during the recording of The Day The Music Died at Wise Buddah studios, by Jon Holmes, who actually has a much trendier haircut than mine, but then he is younger than me. The mug next to me contains boiling water. I was about to dunk a peppermint teabag into it.)
posted by Andrew Collins @ 11:13 AM
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24 Comments:
I frequent a barbers in Leatherhead, which has recently brought in the concept of "booking an appointment" (does that make it a hairdresser now?). My £12 haircut usually means I leave a £1 tip. I always thought that was more than generous, but after your £4 stylists tip talk, I now feel very mean! The art of chatting with the hairdresser is one that is fraught with danger, the usual chat ending up about either my job, my holiday or my night out that forthcoming evening. I seem to remember a politician always responding to the question "...how would you like your hair cut?", with the succinct answer, "...In silence".
Why is pulling out an eyebrow hair so painful?!?!
I use Toni & Guy too, but their prices are so expensive that I don't leave any tip, for anyone. So compared to me, you are being very generous. I think to start with they used to expect one (which is just as bad), but now they know and don't look surprised when I take all my change away with me.
As far as chatting is concerned, I don't like talking to my hairdresser and she used to cut in silence. Now though she has found common ground - we are both getting married soon - and so we discuss that.
I once had a conversation with a hairdresser about Andrew Collins, after she said she also worked in a salon in Reigate.
'Do you cut Andrew Collins' hair?' I asked.
'Who?' she replied.
I wasn't exactly surprised - she charged 7.50.
Nice haircut Andrew.
I have chosen to forego the humiliation that is a hair salon. I could never get used to it after having my mum cut my hair (and chunks out of my neck and/or ears) as a kid, so I always felt a bit uncomfortable(first 'proper haircut - Braids in Northampton, I was 15). Instead I have a mobile hairdresser who is also a friend. We sit in my kitchen and gossip at length while she cuts my hair and rips out my eyebrows (waxing, much less painful than plucking).
as for the trim/pluck debate, if they're wild and trying to take over your face - pluck them. If it looks like you could comb them over your head - trim them. Unless, of course, you like the look.
I find the whole haircut thing a bit traumatic to be honest. Being a bloke, I too feel very self-conscious about telling the stylist what I want done and always imagine they're having a good laugh to themselves. Ladies are lucky - they can take in a magazine and discuss the hair-dos of the latest celebs. If a bloke did that, I fear the laughter would not suppressed.
I used to get my haircut in a nice old barbers in the centre of Edinburgh and pay £8, but since my office moved out into it's global headquarters in a massive new complex on the outskirts on town, I find myself having to go to the in-house salon and pay £20! I suppose it is a better haircut (well it certainly takes a lot longer - practically an hour), but 20 quid? It's also very disconcerting to be sitting with sopping wet hair next to the window, whilst all my colleagues wander past on their way to and from lunch.
As for the conversation - it always ends up feeling rather laboured. I'd actually be quite happy to sit in silence and only speak or nod when the mirror is held behind me, but that feels quite mean.
Without wanting to wish my hair away at the age of 38, I can certainly see the advantages of baldness!
There should be talking and non-talking sections at hairdressers. Along with paying cab drivers and sunbathin, having a haircut is one of my least favourite things, but style dictates it must be done every six weeks.
That said, I quite like my hairdresser, who has a disabled daughter and is always off to Tenerife, but I fretted for years about tipping, until I plucked up the courage to ask him what I should do. So now I leave a fiver every time. Nice to know he's not having me on.
Oh, and not only do they always do my brows, but my ear hair as well. The ultimate humilation.
I have a gift voucher for a free hair do at a posh stylists which runs out the end of this month - I have been trying to steel myself to make an appointment and then I read this! Argh. These places are hell! There must be a huge opportunity for some entrepreneurial skilled person to open up a no-frills, no-idle chat place where you can get a basic hair cut for a decent price.
I had my hair done this afternoon actually. It's a little salon next to work and a bloke from Iraq - whose name I still can't remember - who does the deed. I loath the whole smalltalk element too, but make the effort because the chap's accent is so thick, most people seem to give up on him. He's very nice, though. One time he actually said, at the end of the sesh, "Thanks for talking to me". At least, I think he did. His girlfriend left him four weeks ago - he's been off his food ever since. Hold up, isn't that supposed to be the sort of thing I confide in him?! This has got too weird.
I too frequent Toni & Guy, this time in Bromley, and it has the distinction of having no female stylists over 5ft tall it seems. This means that I, at 6ft3, need to slouch in the chair to let them reach the top of my considerable head. This causes much awkward hilarity every single month as you can imagine. Incidentally Andrew, you look exactly like my mate Ade in that picture, if you knew him in any way it would be spooky. But you don't.
I set light to my right eyebrow in a fooling cooking incident. By the time I had trimmed off the burned bits I had one eyebrow in designer stubble style and one bushy style. I then spent a stressful half hour trying to trim the bushy one to match without ending up looking like a drunken stag party victim. For those who wonder if trimming eyebrows really makes them grow faster I found the burned one has grown a lot slower than the trimmed one. However I don't recommend leaving the gas on for 5 minutes before lighting it as a good way to trim eyebrows.
I use an 'old-fashioned' barbers in Littlehampton (no talking), £6 for a trim.
The only time I used a 'proper' hairdresser (in the 90s) I was charged £15!! And the hairdresser tried to sell me some stolen watches while I was having my hair cut!
Thank God for baldness and the ownership of some of those haircutting clippers things with the different attachments. I don't do small talk, I do Big Talk!
Re: Eyebrows. Never pluck them or you'll look like one of those metrosexuals (David Beckham) or a rubbish gay. I recommend trimming them by pushing the hairs upwards and getting any that stick up too much with the scissors. Unless you have no hand/eye co-ordination then ask your wife...
You'll be pleased to know that I have managed to sell rather a lot of your two marvellous books recently as they have a prime location in the staff picks area of the rather busy Oxford Street bookshop that I manage. They're very easy to convince people to purchase!
I have a bit of a hairdresser phobia, actually. I got stung £50 by some posh place last year for doing bugger all- they gave me a wavy perm and it didn't take. The small talk was horrible and they kept asking me how I FELT, as if hair is more than just something on your head. And that's the only time in the last 12 years I have paid anyone to do anything to my hair. Pretty good going, considering I'm 25. My formerly gay ex boyfriend used to do it. I haven't cut it at all since we broke up :-(
I do get my eyebrows waxed at Aveda though. It's still weird and uncomfortable (intimacy with a stranger, much like an eye test), but the results are worth it.
Did anyone else notice that it says Toni & Gay halfway down? I can only think it's intentional but I thought it was an addition I made myself. I refuse to pay more than £12 for a haircut and am annoyed if I pay more than a tenner to be honest. I have vowed not to get my hair cut until England are knocked out of the World Cup, more as an excuse not to go then as a superstition.
My hair is short/thinning and the haircut shorter. I usually costs between £4 and £6 and I leave a £1 tip.
The cutters in my barber shop always like to talk to me about the latest quiz show I've been on. I hear myself saying the same things as I've said to a thousand other people but they've not heard it so I endulge them.
They don't wash my hair but I have to say that when I was growing up getting my hair washed in Shyloks was probably one of my first erotic experiences. Something about the smell of the place, the strange soft hands...heaven. I now have the urge to play Morrissey's "Hairdresser On Fire".
Check out this introduction article on Hairdresser:
Hairdresser
Content:
1.Famous hairdressers
2.Variations
3.Becoming a hairdresser
4.Specialties
5.Expectation
Oo, comment spam. Now you know you've really made it, Andrew.
Mind you, things could be much worse. At least us guys don't have to suffer the fake tan nightmare, standing in a pair of paper pants while a stranger sprays every nook and cranny!
The last time I went to the hairdressers I eavesdropped on the man sitting next to me (he wasn't having anything done on his eyebrows though) and heard a fantastic story all about his life in Melborne.
thanks to john peake who agrees with me about talking and non talking sections in hairdressers. i actually started to cut my own hair about 5 years ago because i couldnt stand the constant nattering from my hairdresser. perhaps we should get a petition up to get a "silent hairdressing salon" up and running. regards jane
I can only say I trained with Toni and Guy and they are amazing with hair, they are people who actually care what your gonna look like and making sure your cut lasts, what you pay is what you get with them, quality!! They are alwayts told to offer eyebrow trims to younger and older generations it's just part of the service and the majority do say yes. There is a reason they are so successful.
I work with five male hairdressers on is gay the others are as red blooded males as you get. You wouldnt go to a hairdresser with a crap hair cut, someone who doesn't want to talk to you or rushes you to get you out on time for their lunch. The dress code is what they are told to wear it wouldn't look good if they weren't up to date cause it would look like their haircuts might be to!!!
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