Like a big banana coming at you
World Cup 2006: vague, ill-informed ramblings of a part-timer whose opinion is worth nothing because he doesn't follow club football
I actually went to bed last night singing (in my head, not out loud), "football's coming home." Not because it is, not after England's ropey, send-out-the-wrong-message second-half performance against Paraguay, but because it got into my head and refused to leave. Just as the football itself got into my body and refused to leave. I have watched five full games of football in two days. The opening five of the World Cup. I am more self-conscious writing about them after the dialogue with Alfie on here following my report on the Hungary friendly. He made clear that I am not to have an opinion, as I don't follow football as a lifestyle choice, and, for instance, had never seen Peter Crouch in my life until he came on at Old Trafford. I am better informed now than I was then, as I have the Guardian's excellent pull-out guide at my side, already well-thumbed for information on who the players play for the rest of the time (most of Argentina play for Spanish clubs, that type of thing), how old they are (Shaka Hislop, the superb Trinidadian goalie, is 37, the oldest player at the tournament) and, if they were a shoe, what kind of shoe they would be (Saudi Arabia would be a pair of flip-flops given away free with a women's magazine). So here goes:
FRIDAY
Germany 4 Costa Rica 2
Goal-filled opening match (a World Cup record!), always a happy occasion for greedy fairweather football fans, and one at six minutes in. Good start. Germany the better team, but heartening to see Costa Rica give them a run for their money. You kind of have to support the underdog, don't you? It's nothing to do with any stupid, baseless, anti-German feeling. Oh, and if anyone uses the phrase, "German highlights" they're not talking about the coverage, but about their hair.
Poland 0 Equador 2
Now we're in. Second match featuring two teams that aren't England, getting a feel for the shape of Group A, no particular favourite, but thrilling to see a surprise win for the outsiders, Senegal style. (Hark at me with my back-reference to a previous tournament!)
SATURDAY
England 1 Paraguay 0
Truly excited when I woke up yesterday morning. Unlike the previous day's games (around which I was dashing back upstairs to write the sitcom), I sat down for this the moment BBC1's coverage began, to wallow in the build-up. A good juncture to state that the BBC pundits (Hansen, Shearer, Wright, Motson, Lawrensen) easily outshine the ITV team (Venables, Pearce, Allardyce, Tyldsley, boring Southgate). Also, they have a much bigger coffee table. My friend Lee Mack was at this match, but I couldn't see him. Having said that, I couldn't see the match either, as the stadium in Frankfurt has a big telly suspended over the halfway line which casts a monstrous, spider-shaped shadow over the pitch, thus making comfortable viewing of the game impossible. Somehow, we struggled through, leaping off the sofa for Beckham's free-kick goal, helpfully assisted by defender Carlos Gamarra. England looked as confident and assured as everybody said they were in the first half, with Paraguay's goalie being replaced early on due to a bad foot, and Owen and Crouch looking like they played together. And then, in the second half - and I don't understand managers and tactics, so allow me this gut opinion - Sven Goran Eriksson mucked it all up by taking Owen off, leaving Crouch looking like the gangly spare part he must have looked at school, and giving Beckham nobody to pass to. Thus the second half was painful. If it really is about sending out messages, England's was: we have a strange coach and we don't understand him with his Bergmanesque pronouncements and his unknowable reactions; he is a mystery as deep as the Swedish soul. Not a nice experience, and not, fundamentally, the team's fault. And what a strange ref: Marco Rodriguez from Mexico, with his severly greased-back black hair and his eccentric decisions, usually in Paraguay's favour, getting all hot under the collar about players having a drink of water in thirty-degree heat. Don't want to draw him again. Impressed with our keeper (I think goalie is a bit of a 70s word, but that was when I really followed football so please forgive me), Robinson, described as a "big banana" by Mark Lawrensen, who I have a soft spot for, although I expect that's the wrong opinion, I don't care.
Trinidad & Tobego 0 Sweden 0
Now this was a match. Again, the underdogs holding off a more experienced side, but it was so much more restful to watch, with long, accurate passing, and, despite the sending-off of Avery John, leaving Trinidad a man down for most of the match, an even spread of possession. Sweden just could not convert, but Trinidad defended so doggedly, and what a tremendous performance from Shaka Hislop, last-minute replacement apparently. Just shows that goal-count is no reflection of a match. And how nice to see a game without shadowy diagonal lines across the pitch. I have Sweden in the 6 Music sweepstake.
Argentina 2 Cote D'Ivoire 1
And another fine display, with one of the favourites to win being held in at least a degree of check by a less experienced team (albeit top of the African qualifiers). Some very long hair in the Argentina squad. Both these matches made the England one look scratchy and frustrating in retrospect, but maybe that's just because it's England, and we care more.
Due to 6 Music, I'll miss one and a half of today's games. I'm unhappy about that, but I have to work to pay for the crisps.
By all means add your own comments on the games, but try to refrain from telling me I'm wrong. I'm having fun here.
posted by Andrew Collins @ 8:02 AM
16 Comments
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16 Comments:
Andrew
Wouldn't dream of picking you up on any of your match comments, which would certainly earn you a place at the BBC's large coffee table, but you got the Argentina score wrong. They beat the Ivory Coast 2-1, not 2-0.
Thanks, Doug. I have gone back in and corrected the score, but let it be stated for the record that I got it wrong first time around. (Numbers, numbers, numbers.)
I sometimes turn the sound off when it's an ITV match and listen to 5Live's commentary instead. Jimmy Armfield, Graham Taylor and the reet canny Geordie commentator are all pretty smart. Glad you like Mark Lawrenson, I reckon he's better than Hansen and probably cooler now too, by the weird rules of cool.
I have to admit that I always switch the sound off on ITV and listen to 5Live instead. Lawro is a great panellist, but my own personal favourite is Gordon Strachan, look out for his Guardian columns. By the way you might want to look at Alister Campbell's World Cup blog, so far it's utterly useless.
Great stuff. I'm
But what did you think of Rio's "wind ups" ?
Gareth Southgate going on about "Trinidad time" i could have done without too.
Does this mean you won't be watching (or writing about) any real TV for the next month which would be a shame.
And it's "Tobago" by the way. But I'm sure that was a slip of the keyboard. :-)
I must say I was surprised at how mental everyone went on Saturday. About 9 out of 10 people in my town were wearing some kind of England shirt and breaking randomly into song. And this is only the first match- imagine what it'll be like if we get into the final!
Jem, if I see anything of note on TV that's not football, I'll review it! (Not much on at the moment, but I fancy this BBC2 series China, which starts on Tuesday, and I recorded Viva Blackpoo, largely because the star of our sticom, Megan Dodds, was in it.)
I started to watch Rio's Wind Ups - saw Gary Neville, Ashley Cole and Ian Wright's son - but couldn't bear to watch any more, despite Rio's actually rather engaging presence as a presenter.
I went shopping on Saturday afternoon and it was fantastic - incredibly quiet for a Saturday. And quite a few of the elderly people who usually only come out early in the morning were out too. It was like a Reclaim The Streets for civilized people. (No offence to Reclaim The Streets, or civilized footie fans.) Not many flags reducing the fuel efficiency of the passing cars either. I haven't seen it so quiet on a Saturday since Diana's funeral, and all the bloody shops closed for that.
Does "Viva Blackpoo" constitute a review?
I don't know if it was the heat but that Rio's world cup wind ups was surreal. Missed the beginning unfortunately. What the hell did he mean when he said they'd been "merced(?)" after each wind up?? Imagine how popular RF would have been if David Beckham had got hit by another car after jumping out in the middle of Princess Parkway.
There was nothing eccentric about his decisions. If you commit a foul, you are penalised with a free-kick for the other side. Simple as that.
Any chance of people not posting anonymously? It gives the impression of mean-spiritedness. The ref seemed to my untrained, weekender, fair-weather, obviously-stupid eye to be penalising England a lot more than he penalised Paraguay when a clash could have been judged either way.
I thought the Paraguay ref was even-handedly bad. John Motson was being disingenuous when he said during commentary that he wasn't one to criticise referees - he's one of the most biased commentators there is with little idea of objectivity when England play.
In the second half we were much slower to the ball than Paraguay and this can lead to free-kicks being given away, especially when a player dives over a tired, trailing leg.
Teams that win the World Cup usually start out inauspiciously and get better as the tournament proceeds. On this basis, I'm more confident now about England's chances than before the match, especially with Rooney on his way back.
I'm the person who posted the first comment and I want to apologise for it - I didn't mean to post something that unpleasant, but I did, and I'm sorry. I'm posting this anonymously because... well, I'm really ashamed, actually.
I really like this blog, by the way, and the "keep it up" comment was genuine.
Apologies again for the offence, and the moral cowardice (compounded here) of hiding in anonymity. If I ever have anything constructive to say I promise I'll sign it.
HANG ON.
Sorry...
HANG ON...
I actually posted the first anonymous post, about the referee. The reason I did not log into blogger is I don't care for the Big Brother (in the older sense) style quesitons required to log in. Happy to use my name at the end though.
CRAIG.
PS: Why would someone else write a mea culpa for me? How odd.
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