Misty water-coloured memoirs
A literary connection
Why was Jonathan Ross so much more bearable last night? Simple. Because none of the guests were women. Vic Reeves, John Malkovich and Peter Kay: all men. Thus, no opportunity for Ross to embarrass himself, and us, with that middle-aged lechery he had made his stock-in-trade. Anyway, both Reeves and Kay were on to talk about their autobiographies. Vic's is out, it has a stupendous title (Me: Moir) and it covers the first 20 years of his life, just like Where Did It All Go Right?, which ended when I left home, aged 19. I'd like to read it. Meanwhile, Kay's, which he's almost finished writing, seems to have been written as a direct spoiler to an unauthorised book by "some journalist".
I know that journalist. He asked me for some comments on Peter for the book, even though I have never met the man. Our tenuous link is that we were both on I Love The 80s. It seems that this journalist, a nice chap, just doing a job of work, was having trouble getting people to speak to him. No surprise, since we now know that Kay has been writing his own book, and presumably pulled up the drawbridge on friends and family. As for other comedians . . . the truth of the matter is, other comedians don't like Peter Kay. Clearly, with his huge success, much of this can be attributed to pathological comedy bitterness (they will be feeling the same way about Russell Brand at the moment, especially if - snort! - they've done more pub gigs than him), but I do get the feeling that Kay isn't quite the cheeky chappie behind the scenes and has been somewhat ruthless on his way to the top. (Hang him as a war criminal!) You'll never read this though, as it would come across like sour grapes if anyone said it on record. Anyway, that's not why I'm writing this entry. (Kay, incidentally, was a slippery interviewee, revealing little and distracted by the audience, but as entertaining and warm as ever. I, having never met him, think he's hugely and naturally talented, someone to be cherished. Most of the paying public will never meet or work with him, and they love him. I should also point out that the journalist's book, though unauthorised, is not as far as I know a stitch-up, just a sales-motivated story of his life. I thought Kay came across as very naive when he said to Jonathan, "You can't stop them! There's nothing you can do about it!" as if he didn't know that hundreds of unauthorised showbiz biographies have been written. Also, it was uneccesary, with all that love in the room, to describe his own book as "the funniest thing I've done".)
Memoirs are in the foreground because I had a tip-off from Rob Newman yesterday by email that I am mentioned in the back of Black Swan Green, the new novel by much-admired, Granta- and Richard & Judy-approved, Booker-shortlisted David Mitchell. I doubted this, as I have never crossed paths with the man. (Hey, maybe I can contribute to an unauthorised book about him one day!) Also, there is anther authorly Andrew Collins, who writes books about mummies, King Arthur and crop circles.
It could be him, I thought. So I went into a bookshop, found Mitchell's book, had a look, and lo and behold, this is what it says at the end of his acknowledgments, just after crediting Le Grand Meaulnes by Alain-Fournier (Librairie Fayard, 1971) and Lord Of The Flies by William Golding (Faber & Faber, 1954):"The novel owes debts of detail to Andrew Collins's memoir Where Did It All Go Right? (Ebury Press, 2003)"
I took it to the till forthwith, in hardback too (five pounds off in Borders). It turns out it's written from the point of view of a 13-year-old boy in 1982 (Mitchell was born in 1969, and was, hey, 13 in 1982, four years younger than me). I've only flicked through it and properly read a few pages so far, but it's done in the vernacular of a young teenager and is full of references to butterscotch Angel Delight and what's on the telly, and I can only assume he used my own memories to in some peripheral way enhance the detail of his own. How flattering is that? I finally have a connection with literary merit! What a nice chap to credit me. He would certainly have got away with not doing so. This cheers me up greatly after yet another lukewarm two-star customer review for my own book on Amazon, bringing the average rating down to three and a half, something I am learning to deal with. Mitchell gets four or five stars all the way.
The Rob Newman wasn't a name-drop. I have known him since before he was famous. Indeed, I made him famous. We didn't see or hear from each other for years, but we have recently reconnected.
posted by Andrew Collins @ 7:39 AM
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15 Comments:
I agree with your comments about JR last night and the fact that there were no female guests. What about John Malkovich though? I thought he was great, completely eccentric and I think, completely baffled by JF. The thing that go me though was that JR was obviously bored by his answers or didn't have enough time to wait for them and so never let him properly finish an anecdote.
Oops, 'JF' should have been 'JR' that'll teach me to preview!
You're right. He was midway into an anecdote about being an American in France during the Iraq war and they cut to JR's next question. Certainly, he drones a bit, but what an interesting man. Still, it's the wrong slot to be interesting. I hope he gets a foxy female next week, or I fear he may explode.
I wish Jonathon Ross would stop doing that thing where he adjusts his tie for comic effect. I also wish Peter Kay would just sit down and do the interview for once - that Lenny Henry style chaos soon wears thin. I enjoyed the interview once it got going though.
Andrew- a little comfort, perhaps, on what you feel is the poor reception of your memoir. I think you simply have two audiences. For instance, there will have been many listeners to John Peel's Radio 1 programme who wouldn't have had the slightest interest in listening to Home Truths. And how many Radio 4 listeners would have been able to bear Plastikman? So don't feel too bad!
I haven't watched JR for a few weeks now, I'm getting a bit fed up with him being so predictble the way he acts with the ladies.
I bought your book the other day....and when I finish Richard E Grant's Wah Wah diary, I'll be picking yours up!
Oh, and I loved Rob Newman and David Baddiel in the earlyish 90's....seems like it was ages ago and makes me feel very old!
You're very kind, Elm, and thanks for the support, Jules. When I had my very first bad customer review on Amazon, my editor said, "Congratulations! You are now in the same club and Ian McEwan and Martis Amis!" (They've both had rubbish Amazon reviews, you see.) It's comfort only on a intellectual level. Emotionally, it's irrelevant. I don't mind critics not liking it, but I hate the idea of someone buying it in good faith and hating it so much they feel moved to post a negative review, as if to warn other buyers off it. But that's democracy. I have vowed never to post anything other than gung-ho postivie reviews on Amazon.
Not wishing to be too grumpy, but I did mention the David Mitchell thing on your myspace a couple of weeks ago. Glad that you found it, as you say it was very nice ofhim to give you a plug.
Profuse apologies for missing that, Tom. When and where did you post it? I'm usually pretty good at keeping on top of the traffic to the blog. Sorry about that. You must think I only take notice of famous comedians!
No problem. it was one of the early comments on your myspace, so I guess it was a couple of weeks ago.
Great football today, shame you missed the Ghana game - they were fantastic, could have scored 6 or 7! The USA - Italy was a sight to behold, imagine the press reaction in Italy (the offside call on the Beasley "goal" was correct).
Well, I loved both your books and will go on Amazon now to express that opinion! I can't get over how nice you come across in the second book. I'm not meaning to suggest that you weren't, but if I recalled my university days it would not be such a pretty picture.
I recently illegally downloaded Newman & Baddiel In Pieces, fully expecting it to be nowhere near as good as I remembered it to be. But lo! it was still really good, especially Rob's bits.
I then downloaded Sean's Show. It was shit.
I saw Rob Newman in concert at Camberley in Surrey a couple of years ago. It was a strange gig. Newman is clearly a very clever man although his comedy style now is about as far removed from "The Mary Whitehouse Experience" as it could possibly be. He turned up late and was a bit grumpy when my wife and sister-in-law (who were standing outside at the time) asked him where he had been. He then came on stage flustered from his tardiness and was heckled by some drunk idiot. Sadly Newman seemed incapable of producing the usual heckler-put-down lines that other comedians have up their sleeves (or maybe he just couldn't be arsed). Whither David Baddiel...?
Peter Kay looked drunk (I'm told he's not a drinker), and I agree that his 'i'm right crazy, me' style of being interviewed was a chore to watch. I loved Phoenix Nights like no other, but a lot of his recent stuff makes me believe that he's surrounded by people who do nothing but tell him that he's great. His current standup stuff is just the rehashed Bolton Albert Halls stuff, and Max & Paddy was generally crass and unfunny compared to the well-written P.N.
I know it's common for comedians to become very famous and appear everywhere then people get sick of the sight of 'em, but the Peter Kay backlash can only be partly attributed to this, in my opinion. He needs to take a step back and look at himself and his material. He can do wrong and has been doing wrong for the last while.
Look at Leigh Francis. Bo' Selecta was one of the most original and (at times) bizarrely hilarious shows I've ever seen, but it got turned into a stream of hyperactive catchphrases with nobody to keep the guy in check. I went from being absolutely charmed by it to absolutely repulsed.
With great ego comes great blindness. :( While I think Kay has the safety net of his boy-next-door "he's a good lad" charm, he'd better sort himself out soon.
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