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Saturday, October 28, 2006

Work that hat!



Eek!
I've been inadvertantly sucked into a reality show. Channel Five's Make Me A Supermodel is currently running far too many times a week, and with Sky+ it's all too easy to keep up. This is the second series, and it is what it sounds like: 12 lithe, self-absorbed individuals battling it out to be the best at walking in some clothes. It's amazing how quickly you get dragged down to its level: "Look! He's really good at putting one foot in front of the other! She's really goot at wearing trousers!" There's nothing profound about it. Funny-lookin' Rachel Hunter leads a panel of harsh judges that includes a bossy woman from a model agency, ker-azy photographer Perou (whom I once went to LA with to interview and photograph Marilyn Manson - a gentle chap, but he looks frightening in all those Gothic rings and his wraparounds and he was wearing two-foot rubber platform brothel-creepers and I was glad I wasn't sitting next to him on the plane) and dapper editor of GQ, Dylan Jones (how he finds the time to put his magazine together I do not know). Plus, an assortment of ugly-looking, style-free fashion and style professionals whose main advice to the hapless future clothes-rails is, "Work it!" (One of them actually said, "Work that hat!") I'm not promoting this show as a must-see - they're four evictions through it already, with only eight to go - but it's morbidly fascinating. And nobody's watching it. It's definitely not water cooler television. Tuesday's episode fell from 700,000 viewers last week to 484,000 this week, a 2.1% share for the sixth of 24 episodes. Its viewing figures are positively anorexic.

Marvel at Albert's dead eyes! Guess how long before Kerrie starts crying again! Guess how long before James refers to being gay and "separate from the other guys"! Shiver at the frigid, ruthless sight of Swedish Marianne! Place bets on how long before Jen hits somebody for looking at her thighs! Wonder if Waz will say anything that sounds like a statement rather than a question?! (Yes, there is someone called Waz on it.)

I hereby put figurative money on Luke winning. Like anybody cares. Work that remote.

9 Comments:

At Sat Oct 28, 09:42:00 PM , Anonymous David Jockney said...

Excuse my impudence, but were'nt you meant to be observing some "radio silence" while you finished off vol 3?

"Make me a supermodel" seems to be playing the same role for you that "Neighbours" did during my O levels - i.e. a minor distraction in the background while I finalised my "revision plan" which once finished would allow me to focus on the exams. Except ...

Kidding aside how's your focus?

 
At Sat Oct 28, 11:10:00 PM , Blogger Andrew Collins said...

For the record, David, I found myself with 20 minutes' "downtime" at 6 Music between preparing my notes for the Chart Show and actually going down to the studio to do it. So I did a blog entry!

The book's going OK. I only have two clear chapters left to write, and they're already mapped out. November 1st, the actual deadline, is a little close for comfort, but I'm kind of relying on stretching it out until the end of next week.

Incidentally, I never work after 7pm. It's a rule. (I prefer to start very early. I'm a morning person.)

 
At Sun Oct 29, 10:41:00 AM , Blogger DanProject76 said...

Those Make Me A Supermodel people were in my bookshop a few weeks ago filming some sort of insert thing because one the the unmade models actually read books! Well I never! I missed them as I had buggered off home as they were late... did they use any clips of skinny people with funny hair reading books in a suburban bookshop that sells quite a lot of Andrew Collins books?

 
At Sun Oct 29, 07:38:00 PM , Blogger Billy said...

I have to admit I have been watching the Supermodels too, it is compelling and terrifying viewing.

 
At Mon Oct 30, 11:41:00 AM , Anonymous ians said...

You're clearly not the only one who thinks that Rachel Hunter isn't that super a Supemodel:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6094234.stm

 
At Mon Oct 30, 06:09:00 PM , Blogger Herbaliscous said...

There's some wonderfully dire reality TV entertainment on at the moment isn't there? I've yet to experience Make Me A Supermodel but it sounds curiosly compelling.

I do keep catching a shocking one on Sky 3 with a bunch of "celebrities" (Zammo from Grange Hill and Sayed from The Apprentice are amongst the losers taking part)
performing stupid circus tricks.

It's called Cirque De Celebrite and is hosted by Ruby Wax who seems to be very bored and maybe a little confused by the proceedings.

There's another one that's been on Five where the contestants are training to work in a beauty salon.

The only people I recognise are someone who used to be in London's Burning, a strange little curly blond haired antiques expert who recently had a sex change (he used to appear on Wogan as a child wearing a bow tie and is now known as Lauren) and Suzi Quatro.

This one is equally as rubbish yet I'm more than happy to watch it into the small hours of the morning.

It's terrifying that people get paid to create this crap. Perhaps what is even more worrying is that I actually watch it. WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH ME?!

 
At Mon Oct 30, 07:29:00 PM , Blogger E. Louise said...

I saw the 'Make me a Supermodel' where they had to lie in a provocative manner on dead fish at a market. Made me glad I was blessed with average non-spindly looks and would never be called upon to strike a pose with a halibut.

 
At Tue Oct 31, 11:47:00 AM , Anonymous Faye said...

I've only watched one episode of this series, but the first series was a master at time suckage.

America's Next Top Model sucks me in in much the same way. I house-sat for a friend with sky+ last year and raced home every day to be back for the 6pm showing on Living and got really upset when she came back from holiday before the run ended.

I watched the most recent season in 10 minutes snippets on a tiny youtube screen, thats how much it got to me. Or maybe I just reeeeaaally dont want to write my phd at the moment!

Tyra knocks Rachel Hunter into a cocked hat (is that right, it sounds wrong!) any day.

 
At Tue Oct 31, 12:40:00 PM , Blogger Px said...

It all seems a bit cruel to me - get twelve people with fragile egos used to being told they are beautiful and tell them they can't even wear clothes effectively. But the mere fact that I have an opinion shows I find it all morbidly fascinating too. At the same time (and my apologies if this makes me look like a Mary Whitehouse-type kiljoy) working at a fashion college I know that this sort of show just makes many of our young students more paranoid about their weight and general appearance.

 

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