Salts
At long last
I finally, without fanfare, made it on to Richard & Judy! I got the call at 2.30 this afternoon, while I was having a meeting at my agents' office with Simon Day. They needed someone to go and discuss the Oscar nominations. (Last minute drop-out, I assumed, although they later claimed it was simply a last-minute booking - I don't care, I'm not proud.) I said yes, without a second thought. How could I not? A car collected me at 4.15 and I was at Cactus, R&J's production company, in Kennington, by 4.30, there to be greeted by I think about 25 separate people with headphones and clipboards, each one possibly more important than the one before, but it's hard to tell. All very friendly, and one of them, a man, finally fitted me with the lapel mic that goes down your shirt. I've done enough telly spots to know that they are over very quickly, so it's best not to go in with a headful of prepared repartee. You'll only be disappointed. Indeed, in the event (I was on last), I only managed to get in two Oscar predictions (Mirren, Scorsese) between clips, when I'd faithfully learned all the main categories. It was still a huge thrill to be in their presence and I didn't nervously stick my finger in my eye, which is good for me. (Richard scratched his head during his last link.) Like all the othe guests (two young comedians who are in a Sky One programme called Crash Test Dummies, a man from the British Museum, and the director, or possibly producer, of a new BBC documentary about the Wild West), I received a thank-you gift of some expensive bath salts (I didn't even know they still made such things), which I shall give away on my radio programme tomorrow as a prize, although not the card reproduced above, which is my souvenir, even though it is not even signed by Richard and Judy, but by their exec producer, who is so important she wasn't among the 25 people who greeted me in their headphones. Further disappointment: the hosts didn't join us for a drink in the green room afterwards, because it was a Friday and they like to get down to Cornwall apparently. I was looking forward to hearing Richard swear. Still, it was nice to meet the man from the British Museum. Funnily enough, they were a lot of crates at the back of the green room that were apparently full of cash. I wonder where that came from? (I'm joking. There weren't.)
posted by Andrew Collins @ 11:55 PM
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11 Comments:
Come back to us. You're just blinded by the bright lights and glamour. They'll have forgotten you by morning...
and you were on BBC4 later that night too. all over the place!
I enjoyed the BBC4 thing (apart from Sarah Cawood obviously). Even Chesney Hawkes was interesting. "Roger Daltry made me er,,,,act"
Damn - missed it! not that I normally get to see R&J... You'd think that clipboards would have been replaced in these studios with touch screen PDAs by now, wouldn't you?
And should we get excited about a new show with you and Simon Day, Andrew? I do hope so... which reminds me; are you going to be writing the second series of 'Going Out' with Lee Mack?
Wow, Judy is looking quite tidy in that photo.
(Did I just say that out loud?)
I was on R+J last year and can confirm the huge number of Headset People. Plus R+J don't come out and meet the guests before the show, so I had this rather peculiar proxy conversation with a Headset Person.
HP: R&J say they've met you before
Me: erm, no
HP (cocks head and listens to relayed message): They say you seem awfully familiar
Me: Honestly, I've never met them
HP: (pause for another intheear message) Well, it's nice to meet you at last anyway
What was even odder was that R&J had the dressing room next door to me so I could hear Richard twittering insistently through HP's headphones and through the wall..
I was on with Lucy Pinner the P3 girl. We looked like some kind of "before and after" ad for cosmetic surgery and astonishingly, I've not been asked back since, which is a shame because I liked the bubblebath pack and the fact they gave me my fee in cash in a brown envelope.
Judy looks quite hot in that photo. Richard can be heard swearing in the first series of Grumpy Old Men.
Wendell, I can't say what it is, but I can say that, yes, Simon Day and I are currently writing something that's been commissioned by a broadcaster! Also, I am currenlty writing the second series of Not Going Out with Lee Mack and the other writers. (You may ask how am I writing both things at the same time, and I don't really know myself.)
Andrew
Congratulations on your R&J call up and your new commission. I can't wait for the second series of Not Going Out.
Isn't Richard Madeley the best-smelling man you've ever met? (And I still say Simon Day has the best rear in showbiz).
Blimey, they've done some serious airbrushing in that photo! Judy looks old enough to be my Nan in real life!
As Morrissey said of Richard (piqued at some spiteful remark he’d made) ‘… and this from a man who actually married his own mother!’
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