Big fry
The Apprentice: they think it's all over
Wow. Just when you think you've second-guessed the outcome, they throw a curveball like this one. There was no task, just that "gruelling" three-way interview with Siralan's henchmen, two of whom I remember from last time. It's testament to the narrative carefully built up over the previous weeks that The Apprentice can devote a whole hour of television to five people being interviewed by three men, one man comparing notes with the three men, and then one man assessing the five people. Rarely does the action stray from desks and chairs. That should not be gripping telly, but of course, it was, and they've earned it. What we expected was all five, especially Tre and Katie, being brought down a peg in an environment where bullshit walks. This was a surgical dissection of five CVs, of which, quite clearly, Tre's was the most likely to win the Orange Prize for Fiction: does he work out of his bedroom, or does he have offices all over the world? Does he work for himself, or his dad? Does he in fact have bedrooms all over the world? Or dads? Could he use the phrase "as such" more inappropriately? As such? This was the dismantling of Tre, who had shown "flashes of genius" but let's face it, mainly pissed and moaned and preened. He was not the first to go, as Siralan had to deal with Lohit first, as if removing a piece of toilet paper stuck to his shoe after a visit to the lav. He should have just looked at Lohit across the boardroom and exclaimed, "Are you still here?" It's what the rest of us were thinking. He truly rose without a trace. Nice chap, and all, but a waste of a chair. Siralan called him a "tailor's dummy" but with "the greatest of respect."
With just Katie, Simon and Kristina left, the nation was surely using Uri Geller-style brainwaves to will Katie out of there. She talks about herself in the third person in the interview on the website. For that crime alone, she cannot be given another puff of the oxygen of publicity. As it happened, Siralan (skillfully advised we may assume) blindsided us and told her she was through to the final, having grilled all three about the mundane issue of where they lived, and if they'd be prepared to move to Brentwood in Essex (a question that will sort out the men from the boys). Katie's smile left her lips. She had little else to play for. The "game-player" had sort of won the game. We found out, for the first time unless you've been following her talboid exposes, that she's a mother. But she'd never call herself a mother, as mothers apparently puree everything in sight and wear floral print. But, fuck me, if the mother in her didn't show herself in the final act, as she admitted she hadn't quite got the babysitting sorted out beyond a vague offer from her sister in Bournemouth, and she handed back her place in the final. I can't work out whether this was a moving moment, or just another gear-change in her constant stage show (now I'll play my "humility" face), in which case she remains despicable.
I'm glad Simon got through with his yellow socks and his carpet-inspector's skills ("I"m big fry"), as his poshness should have put him at a disadvantage in Siralan's class war. I'm also glad Kristina got through, as she's a single mother who battled her way through university and is now totally dedicated to Kristina Time ... hang on, no, that's the press release. I'm just glad she got through as she isn't Katie. I have learned that if you tell her she can't do something, she'll do it. We always think of Siralan as a woman-hater, and I think deep down he is - albeit no more than, say, Katie is - but last year's final two were both women, and this year's final two almost were. Perhaps this is a comment on the state of the male candidates. Or a comment on the fact that he's being well advised by his advisers, who, by the way, are Talkback Thames who make the programme. This is, lest we forget, not the job interview from hell. It's a television programme.
I'm sort of not bothered who wins now. At least Tre and Katie are out of the gene pool. The henchman who was a mate of Siralan's, and shared his disdain for "good schools", and had the same ugly half-beard, put it best when he informed Lohit that in the "big, bad world of business", they will "cut your fucking legs off." And these thousands of candidates want to join this macho, self-aggrandising, vicious, rugby-club world why?
Lohit gets to keep his legs. Tre goes back to his bedroom. Katie gets her own programme on Sky Two.
Episode One
Episode Two
Episode Three
Episode Four
Episode Five
Episode Six
Episode Seven
Episode Eight
Episode Nine
Episode Ten
posted by Andrew Collins @ 10:37 AM
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32 Comments:
The whole boardroom section last night just screamed FAKE. It was obvious. I actually turned to my wife and said “what’s going on here?” when Srelen turned to Katie directly after dismissing Lohit. I didn’t make sense – everyone knew Kristina was going through and that the tension would be a Simon-or-Katie-in-the-final showdown. I’m no telly expert, but I’ve seen enough of these things to know that smart thing to do is send Kristina through and let the others sweat for the last place. So why go to Katie first? Well they had to. Katie had to pull out before Kris went through otherwise the other finalist would be a lame duck and the final would be a waste of time.
My conclusion: what we saw was a re-filmed version or a highly messed-about-with one. You could see something was wrong with Katie from the start – she was even more blotchy-faced than normal.
Watching Tre fall apart was fantastic.
As for the interviewers deeming that the insanely twisted Katie was employable despite the fact she listed sleeping with married men as part of her skillset, you have to worry about the state of corporate Britain.
Yeh definetly some sort of staged boardroom thing going on. It was so clearly set for the Simon or katie final place. I think Katie backed out before the boadroom but they added in a bit of drama.
Remember last year both the finalists actually worked for Siralan for a few months before the final decision, yet the programme led you to believe it was based on one final task.
What an awesome piece of Machiavellian manoeuvering from Katie. She had no plan to ever take the job, as was proved by her machinations last night. If she had been really trying to land Siralan's job, why did she not research Amstrad or Siralan himself before entering the house? And why had she not already spoken to her parents about childcare prior to the series? The worse thing about the result was that Katie was effectively the only candidate actually chosen for the final - Simon and Kristina effectively made it only by default after she walked. For that reason I was desperate for Katie to make it into the final, purely so she could be beaten by Kristina fairly and squarely. Now, she has the satisfaction knowing she walked out as the only "winner", avoiding a final confrontation with Kristina, which she proably knows she would have lost. Her ego would not have been able to cope with that.
On the BBC2 show after, with Adrian Chiles, Nick got it right by repeating that she was a "game-player". It was superb to see bra-mogul, Michelle Mone, taking Katie apart - "That's the reason you are sitting there, and I'm sitting here - you've achieved nothing in your life". The revelation that Katie had stolen someone else's husband so callously was another nail in her coffin.
All in all a great episode. Tre was found out in the interviews in the same way as that chubby chap called Paul in a previous series. Running a "bedroom-based business" is very different to running a multinational company. That said, Simon (despite his encyclopedic knowledge of Siralan), who had previously claimed to run a property empire and online shopping empire, was also exposed as renting out a couple of rooms in his house (his property "empire") and selling a few lights and bubble machines online (his online "retail outlet"). The quotes from his tenants were, frankly, priceless. At least he seemed to be confirmed as a nice chap. Unlike Katie who was exposed as a heartless witch. Look out for her on a cable channel near you soon....
I'm insulted that they really expected us to believe that Katie wouldn't have had the 'oh by the way, if I win, I'll have to move house?' conversation with her 'support network' before she got as far as she did - oh, please. And this is somebody who, not four nights ago, admitted on national telly to running a marathon as soon as she found out she was pregnant 'and if I'm still pregnant at the end of it, it's obviously meant to be'. Beyond vile.
But the gradual breaking down of Tre into small, squirming chunks of hopelessness was classic (you are NOT an international businessman!)
All staged yes, but great telly.
I thought it was a major let down, I wanted to see Katie being ripped apart!!!
The consensus in this office is also 'it was re-filmed'. For many of the reasons already stated.
My disbelief doesn't suspend to the degree that I can accept Sralan being perceptive enough to notice that someone has 'been a bit quiet' and to enquire 'is something wrong?'
Yesterday was gripping, though I agree it was totally contrived. Over the last 10 (?) weeks I have grown to despise Katie more and more with each episode, but then that's probably part of her game plan too. As people have mentioned, some kind of TV show on a minor channel probably beckons.
I think Christina will win, and Katie probably knew that too. At least this way she gets to walk away saying she wasn't ever fired by Siralan!
I took great pleasure in seeing her ripped apart by all the panel on the BBC2 show afterwards. (I'm also amazed by the job the BBC2 make-up artists managed to do on her face. She almost looked half attractive in that!)
I must say I've grown to dislike Tre less over the weeks, as such, and almost actually like him, as such. I honestly can't figure out why, but he does seem like a bright bloke. A bit more preparation and he'd have got through.
I thought Simon was overprepared for the interview when asked what he knew about Siralan's empire. It was so obvious it was the result of a week's cramming, and didn't really seem to show much real understanding. A list of memorized statistics without context is essentially meaningless.
Looking forward to seeing who wins next week. My money's on Christina.
In case anyone is interested, Lohit is joinging BT (as announced on their internal website today)
AnnoNick
I was disgusted by last night's programme. One of the interviewers pressed Katie on her family and alright it wasn't great saying 'she'd done the family thing' but what's it got to do with her ability to do the job? Isn't it illegal to ask in a job interview if someone wants to have children (and will therefore need maternity leave). Seems to me she was punished for having children. Similarly Jadine a couple of weeks ago. The message seems to be that women are weak and wussy and liable to burst into tears so no good for business. Unless like Kristina their child is 18 and they can commit to the firm 100% (Or probably 110% on The Apprentice). Disgusting.
And then on You're Fired to watch Michelle Mone lower herself to pathetic abuse at Katie was painful.
I thought Katie came out of last nights shows on top (if you strip away the memory of her in the previous 11 weeks)
I thought Michelle Mone was completely pathetic. What did she feel she had to prove? Why lower herself to that level? I'd almost taken Katie's side by the end of it. And "you've achieved nothing"?? Er.. she earns £90,000 a year and almost won The Apprentice. I felt quite miffed that that's considered "achieving nothing". I work in an art college. I wonder what she'd think of me? Actually, I don't want to know...
I realise they show the bits of the interviews that are going to make good TV, but I agree that the way Katie was grilled was disgraceful. OK, you want someone "in business" who can give "110%" (whatever that is), but do you really want someone with so little commitment and regard for what is important that they would happily put their children second? Really? They really want that kind of person? If someone is that selfish, why on earth should anyone believe they won't ditch the job at amstrad as soon as something better comes along? Oh, yeah, and it's illegal too.
As for Siralan's dislike of "good schools", I take an immediate dislike to someone like that as it's such an arbitrary thing to hold against someone (as it's arbitrary to dislike someone for going ot a BAD school). Schooling is hardly something the person in question has much influence over, so why vilify them for it? And if that school has taught the recipient all those lovely qualities that are apparently so crucial in business, like utter selfishness, complete self-confidence and arrogance and "ruthlessness" and a complete contempt for everyone else (those are stereotypes of many a public schoolboy, aren't they?) you'd think they'd be perfect for the job. Wouldn't they?
[and breathe] :-)
Standing down as a finalist was a masterstroke – now, she can’t lose, and Simon or Kristina can only win because Katie has ‘allowed’ it. Judging by the withering look she gave her, Kristina knew exactly what Katie was doing as well.
Michelle Mone shouldn’t have lowered herself to trading insults with Katie, but there can’t be many people who wouldn’t have got riled if they were being patronised by that hateful woman. “Well, I’m glad you think you’re speaking for the nation…” Yes, she is, you’re loathsome, now go away. Stand by for Katie in the jungle on the next ‘I’m a Celebrity… ‘
By the way, didn’t Tre say the other week that he had a kid – didn’t notice him getting quizzed about his home and childcare arrangements.
Yes, the motherhood questions would have been illegal if these had been real job interviews - which of course they werent. However, I thought it was quite a clever trap, evoking as it did another of Katie's pen picture stereotypes. In a way I saw it as an indirect way of asking "what do you think of mothers in the workplace Katie?" And boy did she walk into it.
I quite liked the way Michelle Mone gave Katie as hard a time face-to-face as she had in earlier eps - so at least she wasnt two faced. However, as Granny Jockney used to say "Pride comes before a fall" and it was cringeworthy to see her set herself up for a future appearance on "It shouldnt happen to an entrepreneur" (coming soon to ITV4 and tantilisingly could be fronted by Katie Hopkins). MM needs to hope her bra business doesnt start to sag.
I'm beginning to feel that I must be fairly gullible as I felt Katie's unravelling was quite compelling. Nick Hewer was on the button though - I think she was portraying a "Business Katie" persona while underneath had other irons in the fire.
Isn't there something familiar about the calculated manner of Katie's snide put downs of everybody she comes into contact with?
I can't help wonder if she's not being remotely controlled by Morrissey.
They didn't show much of the interviews, did they? I don't believe that anyone, when asked a tough question in an interview, simply looks devastated and waits for the next question. You might um and ah a bit but you maintain eye contact and you keep going, don't you? How come these "top" candidates were so often completely floored by questions that even I could have conjured up a half decent answer to on the spot? I presume the answer is editing that's intended to make the interviews look like a real grilling, but that isn't going to wash when the questions are so shit.
"I'm twice your age and I'd like to think I've achieved more than you."
"Well yeah but I didn't say I've achieved more than everybody twice my age, did I, you smug fucking twonk? Don't they do English comprehension at twat school?"
Having suspected Katie was a plant (along with Paul, probably) since the prostitution task, I wasn't too surprised to see her make a "dramatic" exit. I also suspect that she wouldn't have got the treatment she did on You're Fired if she'd been a genuine contestant. It all seemed plausible enough though, didn't it? I mean single mothers simply can't work in London, can they? Sir Alan was right to probe her on the issue so forthrightly out of nowhere rather than asking her, say, whether it was appropriate to brag about stealing someone's husband on a job application.
Simon might be an academic whiz and the loveliest fan of Mind Your Language you could hope to find, but he's also clearly an idiot who probably has his mum's instructions pinned up by the loo. His claim about thinking spirally is probably right: he has generally been utterly rudderless on the tasks. Lohit might not have done much but he did a damn sight less wrong than Simon. And is Simon really less nice and better equipped for the leg-threatening world of business than Lohit? Or is he just less, er, you know, er, less of a Rufus fan?
I have a sneaky feeling that Kristina got her tan simply from smoking. She should beat Simon easily. After she's cut his fucking legs off. Let's not forget we've already seen her wipe the floor with something even more useless than he is. And she won that task too.
Another long post. Sorry.
Tre, Lohit and Evil Katie were all on Five Live this morning, and spent most of their time laying into Simon, which surprised me slightly (not that I think he deserves to be in the final by any means - his dismantling in the interviews seemed just as thorough as that of Tre).
Of the three, only Lohit is gainfully employed (the BT job mentioned above, and some bewildering talk of a fashion line), the other two seem to be hoping for lots of lovely meeja work, so we probably haven't seen the last of them.
Kemsley is sugar-junior isn't he? it's probably why he takes his advice primarily over Claude Littner's. To be fair, it worked 1 out of 2 times, and if he chooses Kristina it'll be 2 out of 3. What was that with the guy whose the head of Viglen and Sugar, 'we all enjoyed our share options in the 80's' - some resentment between the two?
I think it is very unfair to criticise Michelle Mone for her contribution to the show. She was merely expressing her own opinions about Katie (which reflected accurately a large majority of the viewing public). And does Katie really earn £90K a year - who knows? Maybe Tre really does have a multinational conglomerate (and not a bedroom-based business working for his Dad), and Simon runs a huge property empire (and doesn't just rent a room out of his small house) as well? The point is that Katie admitted she would lie and be "ruthless" to get what she wanted; she after all admitted that she would happily steal another woman's husband if she wanted him (and allegedly has). That is what got up Michelle Mone's nose: Katie's supercilious attitude.
Without doubt Michelle Mone has achieved much in business, and not just "pretending" to earn £90K on one's CV. Ms Mone was merely trying to take Katie down a peg or two for her egostistical attitude, and not suggesting that one has to run a successful lingerie business to be deemed "successful". All credit to Ms Mone for doing that.
And yes, those interviewers were harsh on the family thing, but remember the show is edited, so perhaps the likes of Tre were also quizzed about his child, but this wasn't deemed controversial enough to include in the show. Katie herself was the one (as usual) criticising mothers for their dress-sense and ability to "puree everything in sight".
Katie therefore set herself up for a fall. Faced with Katie, I would have reacted exactly the same way as Michelle Mone.
No-one came out of the Katie set-up well. The questioning was blatantly sexist, the boardroom scene was badly scripted, SAS looked a fool and the audience were robbed of seeing the possessed Ermintrude (co. Charlie Brooker) cut down to size. BTW, a niggly point but the Orange Prize is for women's fiction, so Tre's CV couldn't win it unless he claimed to be female as well as a master of the universe.
Even the people who claim not to like the show do so at some length... water cooler TV at its finest.
Didn't see You're Fired, so I can't comment on Michelle Mone, and as for illegality of Siralan's interviewing techniques - who cares? It's not actually an interview, despite his claims at the beginning of the programme. It's a game. Also, if someone boasts of stealing husbands on their CV they are inviting a more personal line of questioning. She's a cow. I thought we'd got rid of people like her after the 80s, but no, they're still with us. As for sexism - it's a very male environment, no doubt about that, but it was a male candidate who was first to crack over missing his kid: Ifti. Also, Tre's kids are probably already working for the family firm.
I agree with the general feeling here about the final boardroom scene being re-filmed and very much agree with the point about Srln not being so perceptive as to stop proceedings in that way. I'd have thought that Katie's ambivalence must've come to light after she went through because why not just have Srln 'pick up on it' and fire her, leaving the other two - less dramatic but simpler, and complicated isn't Srln's way. Perhaps they kept it that way in the re-filming partly as a cautionary tale for future candidates. Who knows! Anyway I recorded it this week so have about 60,000 other random observations to make (sorry)...
- Surprised to hear Simon mention 'Jet Set Willy' - I grew up playing it too but not quite from 5 ... could explain his grasshopperishness and the fact that, with his wide-eyed, open-mouthed expression, he looks like he's still trying to get past the killer steam brooms.
- In what (other) way is Simon "introverted" and "quiet"?
- When Katie purred "I don't understand" to Srln I had the eerie feeling that she was an alien pretending to be human. No idea where it came from but it was instant and very clear.
- Argumentative interviewer: "I haven't come here for an argument" - yes you have ...
- Same interviewer: "50 grand a year as an international businessman wouldn't cover your travel expenses" - would it not? But might it if you weren't a greedy bastard too?
- Liked Lohit's line about going "back up to 60,000 feet" - I like the idea of him secretly being the maddest (and being graceful at 60,000 feet).
- Disappointed that Srln didn't break into song after saying, "and I think to myself..."
- Liked Srln saying to Katie (lady alien), "God forbid, a policeman puts you up in the street and nicks you for driving" - in no way Freudian.
- Liked Srln's retort to Katie's, "I hope I haven't trodden on anyone to get here,"
" Oh you have, oh you have."
- Thought it was revealing when a fist-clenching Srln said of Katie, "Have we, at last, got someone dead bright, dead strong". That's what he wants...
- Can I add ear-twiddling to the list of what Tre mainly did.
Just want to clarify: I wasn't arguing on behalf of Katie so much as on behalf of women in general. And I would concur with Andrew that she does, in fact, seem to be a cow. I still feel it's a shame Michelle Mone felt the need to stoop to Katie's level when she didn't have to - it really need just make her come across as arrogant.
I wonder if Tre's kids have their own bedrooms - sorry, offices - yet...
Px
I agree with Px about the Michelle Mone thing, although I do suspect she was more or less asked to go after Katie like that. It just felt like an extension of all the fakery in the boardroom to me. I still think Katie's show will be on BBC2, not Sky Two. And Paul will feature.
Simon's post reminded me indirectly of one other thing I enjoyed: that they left in Sir Alan repeating two of his jokes from earlier in the series (Lohit pointing to his left ear and "not on his/her Christmas card list"). This reminded me very much of my old boss who had at most four jokes in his repetoire. And of David Brent, of course. I bet he does the "walk this way" joke too.
Dear Andrew,
There is a picture in this week's Radio Times' film section that is supposed to be Boris Karloff. It is not, it is Glenn Strange. I suggest you tell your boss Barry Norman to get his act together.
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This post has been removed by a blog administrator.
Oh man, oh man! Why do people have to say stuff like! It really gets my goat.
Your body's changing; you're becoming a man; you're starting to like Motorhead; but inside you still feel like a kid. You're right, it is a confusing time and you should take it out on other people because it's not your fault. That moustache is ill-advised though.
Dear Anonymous (the Anonymous who made the Glenn Strange observation, not the Anonymous who called me rude names, then replied to his own comment as if to prove his friendlessness, both of which have accidentally fallen off my website):
Good call. It is indeed an erroneous photo of Glenn Strange where one of Boris Karloff should have been. This is an error by the picture dept, but it should have been picked up by the subbing team. And I saw that page before it was passed, so I am prepared to take it on the chin too.
Barry Norman is not my boss.
You do realize the Orange Prize is only for female authors, right?
*wonders if Barry Norman would make a good boss*
The Apprentice: a dull show where a chippy, truculent Ewok shouts continually at a parade of useless egotists and sociopaths who refuse to take responsibility for their own shortcomings. Recommended for masochists.
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