Cheer the fuck up
OK, the coffee-loving, gym-going, procrastinating comedian and writer Richard Herring regularly donates a page of his Warming Up blog to the New Statesman website (easy money, but then again, writing a blog every day, as he does and has done for about five years, is no mean feat). One feature the website offers is an automated audio version of Richard's column - not a podcast with Rich reading out his scabrous words, but that of a robotic female voice-recognition software programme. If you want to cheer yourself up in this world of torture and abuse and corruption and hypocrisy and Abel & Cole selling out to a private equity firm, why not click on the "Listen" option and enjoy this column about swear words being read out by a posh lady. Oh, and then you can leave a comment underneath (that's a neat idea), and tell him he's not funny, and then run away. If you're a twat.
posted by Andrew Collins @ 5:39 PM
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6 Comments:
you're not funny
Interesting that the computerised voice can handle all the expletives perfectly, but stumbles over the apostrophes. A perfect summation of the state of grammar in Britain.
This brings back shameful memories of when I went out with a teacher. She borrowed an Apple Mac from the school to do some work over the summer. I messed around with it and on discovering that the wordpad thing had speech synthesis, couldn't resist getting it to say rude words.
How was I to know it also had a built in dictionary that automatically acquired new vocabulary and that another writing package on the Mac would subsequently read them out to pupils as word suggestions?
The night of horror that ensued after that discovery was made taught me a valuable lesson. Not only is it not big or clever, swearing can also be hazardous to your health.
Come on Andrew, be fair to Abel & Cole. That guy started his business selling potatoes door to door, borrowed money from friends and family to keep the business going in the lean years, and after working pretty damn hard for almost twenty years, has decided to sell a stake in his business. I don't think anybody should begrudge him that. Sure, his food is organic, but that doesn't mean that he needs to be a saint, surely?!
OK, maybe I just got out of bed the wrong side this morning...
Dylan
Dylan, I worry that what stands currently as a model ethical, organic business will now bow to pressure from the new investors - who, after all, only invested to make profit - and we'll lose another admirable trader to big business and the City. Personally, I think it's a shame. I never said I begrudged Mr Abel for selling up - he's certainly put the hours in, and I am among those who've benefitted from this box scheme, eating better and more locally for the past eight or so years. I am merely lamenting the way the world turns. I am an idealist. I can't help it!
Ironically, the 'Listen' option makes it totally unlistenable and not because of the content.
I can't imagine anyone would want to use this function, other than to laugh at it.
As for Mr Abel - let's see what happens to the quality and provenance of the produce over the ensuing months - only then can we judge.
It seems a pretty sensible option to me, providing the original core principles aren't trodden underfoot.
I loved Abel & Cole boxes too, before I moved to New York - and I hope they don't change too much either. My guess is that private equity will look to expand the scheme to be more nationwide than it is at the moment. That way they make their profit, and everybody else gets to eat local spuds and, erm, samphire...
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