Small change
Manners Manifesto Update: whilst ordering my peppermint tea in my usual coffee shop this morning (and making conversation with the man behind the counter - nothing profound), the woman behind me in the queue said, "I think you may have dropped some money." We looked down and it was a two pence piece. I picked it up, and said, "Thank you. Two pence might make all the difference!", which was a daft thing to say, but at least it was more of that human contact we all crave. It was nice of her to go to the trouble of pointing it out to me, knowing that it was only 2p.
I was feeling fed up as I walked through the crowded station this morning, trying not to tread on anyone's heels or to huff and puff. I could feel that my face had fallen into its default grumpy commuting frown. I forced my mouth into the shape of a smile, and do you know what? It's really hard to feel grumpy when you're smiling. This may sound sappy, but I look around me and I see upset and misery and despair, and it really does make a difference. Give it a go. (I'm on hold, waiting to be connected to BT as I write this, and I vow to be friendly and patient when I finally get through. It's the ultimate test.)
posted by Andrew Collins @ 1:32 PM
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14 Comments:
An hour later - you can't still be on hold, surely...?
I got through and successfully dealt with one anomaly on my bill; now I'm waiting for a different operator in a different department to call me back because - re: my second query over a different account - their system was down and she couldn't deal with it. I was as nice as pie to the first person, and they sorted me out in a friendly and helpful manner. Spread the love.
You sound like something out of The Little Book of Calm, or something similar. Ever thought of writing anything like that? :-)
Were you patient and friendly when you got through? Or indeed did you ever get through?
I always thought it was sweetly ironic that Hackney Council used to put you on hold to "Nobody Does it Better".
Happy New Year by the way.
Px
Finding 2p always makes me smile, even if it's me that's dropped it.
You're right, smiling does improve the mood, although I find you must be cautious if combining it with eye contact or people misinterpret you, in my experience.
At the risk of sounding negative Andrew, I’d just like to point out that with smiling, as with so many things, quality is more important than quantity (or am I being typically male and self-delusional?). I used to work with someone who could charitably be described as curmudgeonly, or perhaps even emotionally eccentric. This colleague would often be met for lunch by his wife, who invariably arrived with a smile on her face. Indeed it was a rare day when no-one remarked on how odd it was that a woman with such an obviously sunny disposition could have hooked up with ‘Mr. Grumpy’. However, on closer inspection the wife’s smile turned out to be a sort of ‘bunny-in-the-headlights’ rictus grin. She was obviously putting a brave face on it but the strain must have been nigh on intolerable. I think it’s good to vent occasionally – providing you don’t scare the horses, obviously.
DaveB
I very much agree with bethnoir on the care that needs to be taken with combining smiling and eyecontact.
Once upon a time I was a country girl from a small town in Australia. When I first came to the big city I found that my friendly, cheery nature in conjunction with my natural curiousity and lack of caution about eye contact meant that I could make a lot of friends. Particularly of the religious evangelical/political extremist/ sleeze bucket/general nutcase type.
I have now perfected the neutral smile - not too miserable/not too happy - with minimal eye contact. It is excellent for both keeping yourself sane and avoiding other people's religious/political views.
Mixed manners news today for me. I forgot to put my bin out this morning and it would have meant another 2 weeks to survive with a choca wheely bin. The Council were unhelpful but at least gave me the number of the contractors who do the round. This nice chap there said that it would normally cost £35 to specially collect it but asked for my address and said he'd send a truck round anyway. 2 hours later and the bin was empty!
I just called the chap to say 'thanks' and he wasn't in and his colleague said he'd pass this message on. But he did so in such a manner that I KNOW he won't pass the message in. So I tried to spread the love, but I think it fell on deaf ears.
You are always on trains, AC, can't you do your work from home? Save a fortune at Costa if nothing else!
I'd have put my foot on the coin until you'd gone. You know what they say: "See a penny, pick it up, and all day you'll have good luck." So that'd be double the luck, wouldn't it?
My good deeds lately have included: helping a neighbour push his car, knocking on another neighbour's door to tell her she'd left out the wrong wheelie bin and picking up the rubbish from a bin that had fallen over. I'm great, aren't I?
I really like your Manners Manifesto, Andrew. Given that I live in a city where rudeness is a way of life (they say that living in New York is like an abusive relationship - the city treats you terribly, but you can't bring yourself to leave), I'm all for anything that makes cities seem more human and, well, bearable.
Actually I had the last few Manners Manifesto entries in mind when I blogged about an experience I had this week (http://www.britoutofwater.com/blog/2008/01/reasons-why-new.html). I'm trying hard to be a better person, but I think it just comes naturally to some people.
Haven't commented recently since the whole abusive commenters situation...so a Happy (and Well Mannered) New Year to everyone...
Dylan
I have a couple of things to report on the MM front.
I made conversation with the checkout guy. Who turned out to be very nice but looking forward to getting home.
Then later while stuck in traffic I could see a bloke was going to try and cut me up so...I took my foot off the acelerator and flashed him through. Sounds daft but I did actually feel better.
Coming home from from USA on plane full of Brits, we were almost the first on the plane due to blahblah. Anyway, I said to my husband, 'let's see how many people we can make smile, just by smiling at them first'. (MM)
Oh. My. Goodness.
Apart from a couple of ridiculously-haired teenagers, almost every SINGLE person smiled back at us. We were completely taken aback. Crumpled auld crabbit faces turned in to lovely grandpa gentlemen. Nasty wee women became cuddly nannas. Snotty yummy-mummies became adorable hapless mums needing help!
It felt AMAZING!
So good, in fact, that we celebrated our achievement by drinking for the next 7 hours!
I presume in your manners crusade you are aware of the magazone called The Chap ? Their manifesto against vulgarity and looking back at a more gracious age is always worth a look!
I listen to my mp3 player when I'm on the tube/other crowded places. When I don't I get grumpy and roll my eyes at people, but when I have my favorite songs in my ears I'm the happiest person in the world.
How long were you on hold for in the end Andrew?
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