No fluffing around
Not a vintage Apprentice this week. Another making-stuff task, requiring a "back office" and a "sales team", which is getting a little formulaic. (Am I misremembering previous years, or where they always this mechanical?) Although usually a fan of the editing, I found this week's confusing - I couldn't remember which team was which and found myself thinking that Renaissance had done really well when in fact it was Alpha who'd made the sale, that kind of thing. Sir Alan moved Matt Lucas from one to the other and made Claire project manager of ... you see, I can't even remember which one now! It was the winning team anyway, as that's why Claire was in floods of pathetic tears in the boardroom at the end. How's that going to go down at the Mighty Amstrad - who still make satellite dishes, we discovered (not that this would stop Raef trying to sell Amstrad a satellite dish if he "really believed in the product", the plummy fool). I think I'll call both teams Renalpha.What a surprise to hear the note of amused cynicism and barely suppressed disdain in the narrator's voice when he revealed that, as well as a risk assessment manager, Lucinda - star of this week's show - was also a "part-time aromatherapist!" (Being a risk analyst is OK, but dabbling in black magic, which is what it is, marks her out as a figure of fun. All hail the consensus!) This was Lucinda's chance to prove herself more than a workshy, technophobic, "eccentric" - ie doesn't wear a dark suit - posho with a permanent sniffle. (She should remember the words of Reeves & Mortimer: smell to get well!) Sir Alan put her in charge, much to the blank faces of her Renalpha teammates. Helene, who'd come to blows with her over the laptop, made herself clear: "Everybody thinks Lucinda is a bit of a fruitcake, and the reality of it is we've seen four tasks now where she's been so lazy. Its like, 'If I'm not in charge I'm going to sit here and have a cup of coffee and do fuck all'." (That's no language for a lady!) But Lucinda said, "We are going to work together to have fun." Radical. And impossible. These people are not here to have fun. And especially not miserable southerner Alex. Having been auditioning for the part of Ice Queen for the past four weeks, part-time Corr and marketing consultant Jennifer Maguire was finally cast. Her bob seemed more severe, her wicked-witch lipstick more red, her piercing blue eyes more piercing and blue, as she summed up her project manager's skill set: "Lucinda made no difference, we would have done it whether she was there or not." Done what? Lose the task?
Being sent off into the country to liaise with two ice-cream-producing farms (well, you can't get a decent price for a pig any more) did not bring out the best in our thrusting city types. Michael, from the Greek island of Telesales, imagined that their tasting session at the village hall would only attract "a toothless crone with one arm and seven chins." Johannesburg-born Claire, who used to be a holiday rep in Magaluf, wondered if there might be someone "with webbed feet". Oh, how they laughed in the back of their people carrier - because that's what people are like in the country! (If any of these twerps were actually as successful in the town as they pretend to be, they'd live in the country, and know better. The stereotypes in the country are people with no chins.) It seemed like a Straw Dogs-style act of revenge on behalf of all country folk for this remark that led to, well, nobody turning up for their ice-cream tasting. The village hall was actually locked, meaning they had to force their cider and elderflower onto two rugby-attired, fume-breathing men in a pub. That's market research. Michael's simpering style was enough to turn anyone to strong drink, as he sucked up to them with guff about "discerning palates" and actually said - to two men in a pub - "I know you're busy." (Bravo for the obviously posed cutaway of Nick checking his watch as the drunks tasted the ice cream and wished there was less elderflower in the cider and elderflower.)
I was almost sick when Jenny, Claire and Michael clinched what would be the clinching deal with the Hoxton Bar & Grill for 200 litres of the aforementioned dessert with 20 minutes to go: their high-pitched, air-punching, self-congratulatory back-seat ecstasy was almost too much to bear. How old are these fucking people? This week's show was heavy on the self-love, with Jennifer at one point saying, "I'm very pleased with the independent cinemas - plural - I managed to bag today, I think I did an absolutely fantastic job." And, later, "You know, I am overwhelmed by how good we are." (Were none of the candidates ever told off as children?) There was a lot of this kind of talk, in between the whooping and the high-fiving. "That is the sign of a good salesperson," yelled Jenny, "We kept up the momentum against all odds!" True enough - those "odds" being incompetence and sloppy marketing. They were so useless they made an appointment with the Clapham Picture House cinema, not knowing it was part of an 18-cinema chain, and lost the account to Renalpha, who made their appointment with the area manager. The killing joke was: Claire's useless team won, and Lucinda's less useless team lost. There is not justice in this game. Still, the producers had already earmarked Lucinda and Jennifer (two Jennifers? what were the casting people thinking of?) for a showdown, and that is what they got.
I think perhaps the producers were hoping for a bit more slapstick footage from the back room, but in both cases, the ice cream production went smoothly. We all liked the egg-separating device, but that's one shot. Men in blue hair nets, also mildly amusing, especially when they are Alex or Lee McQueen, but again, a couple of shots. The search for oranges was promising, especially the glimpse of four oranges in a Spar when they needed 50, but this didn't go anywhere either. Hence, we had way too much of the selling part. This became dull very quickly. The cinema-chain disaster was high-wire stuff, but the rest was all a bit low-key. Thank heavens, then, for the evil, snake-like Jennifer (not my words, Helene's, at least according to supergrass Lucinda), with her direct telesales style: "We really wanna set up an appointment to come and see you's" - none of teammate Raef's "I'm CEO of Renalpha Ice Cream International" bullshit. Jennifer and Lindi constantly battled to be the most self-satisfied ("I wanna make sure I do those appointments myself because ... " "... you've built up the relationship." "Exactly" - the woman had made one cold call!) And - snap! - both women offered exclusivity deals which were not in their power to offer, thus pissing off Sir Alan. Even when they'd secured a 130 litre deal with Bruno Brookes who ran the gastropubs, the desperate need of Jennifer and Lindi for extra praise was unbearable. "The first pub in London to serve avocado ice cream - how d'you feel about that?" pushed Jennifer, as if she were a local news reporter. "How d'you feel?" And Lindi, who makes the cat that got the cream look look like an ungrateful bastard, couldn't keep her mouth shut: "Three months' exclusivity!" On the batphone to Lucinda, Lindi cast her praise net even wider: "Did we blow your target out of the water, mate, or what?"
Despite being on the losing team, hats off to Raef for being by far the best turned out in his smoking jacket and patted-down hair when Sir Alan "surprised" them before breakfast by turning up to film some footage of himself looking impatient while they put on their "PJs" - I think perhaps Raef's butler dressed him. You could tell he wasn't going to be anywhere near the final three in the boardroom, as he barely appeared in the edit. Nor did Sara or Matt Lucas, or, sadly, Lee McQueen, although I could have sworn he'd had a shave at one point. Maybe it was just the light. He certainly did some Ali G finger-clicking when he explained that "targets are there to be broken, and we're smashin' them targets! That's what I'm talking about!" He will have his own episode at some point.
Lucinda was better protected in the boardroom than any previous disgraced project manager, flanked by the evil Jennifer and the gobby Lindi, who had already attempted to paper over the cracks in their performance by saying they had "given it their all." (Mind you, Lucinda's claim that they had "had fun" didn't cut it with Sir Alan either. Business is not about fun.) Lindi's fate had been sealed back in the people carrier. During what was for her a moment of quiet spiritual contemplation, she murmured, "We are sizzling hot superstars." Cue: sound of gallows. Her tarantula eyelashes almost reached across the boardroom table to irritate Sir Alan further. He doesn't like mouthy birds and he doesn't like bullshitters. Lucinda was actually adjudged to have been better than anyone had expected, especially in a glowing tribute from Lee McQueen, who might be the Mellors to her Lady Chatterley. For being not as bad as expected, Lucinda was saved, as was Jennifer, because there's no way the producers were going to let her go. So Lindi was the sacrificial provincial egomaniac, much to the obvious regret of Lucinda, who actually stroked her as she got up. "I'm literally shocked that I've been sacked today," she said, in the death cab (as opposed to being figuratively shocked, or metaphorically shocked). "I'm still in a state of shock as to why Sir Alan hasn't understood how special I am." Not so hot and sizzling now. She'll be a reporter on The One Show within six weeks.
I'm not sure if Jenny actually said, "No fluffing around," but I like to think she did. And a sincere thank you to Alex, for introducing me to this exciting new flipchart phrase, "If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail."
Recaps: Week One, Week Two, Week Three, Week Four
posted by Andrew Collins @ 11:23 PM
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I too found the editing a bit confusing and as a result totally missed that Claire's team had secured a task winning order at the last minute. Claire's blubbing in the boardroom was risible, I think she realised that they'd been rather lucky to get that one order which meant victory.
One other quality moment was the self styled 'Best salesperson in Europe' being told by Helene that even she, not a salesperson, had checked when making the calls to set up the appointments that the person on the other end would actually be interested in buying some icecream.
Great post ! Loved the Mellors/Lady Chatterley reference !
My observation from last night is that the duplicituous nature of Alex Wotherspoon (WOTHER-spoon ???. Surely not a stylistic change of name a la David Walliams?) is disapearing rapidly under te radar. Alex showed himself again to be the thorn in the side of whoever is nominated team leader, mooching around carping and moaning about what they should or shouldn't have done, sticking the knife in and twisting it as they task progresses.
Also, the supposed Damascene "conversion" of Claire from mouthy gobster to all-round good egg was way wide of the mark. She performed very badly early on, making some appalling decisions. She simply struck lucky later on as the other team imploded under a weight of exclusivity. A smug smile was all over her porcine face as the results were annmounced as she bathed in self-glorification.
Raef - is there anyone apart from me who is intensely irritated by this puffed-up popinjay ? "I'm the CEO". Please ! He looked vaguely like Valentino at the wake-up call. Stick him in a sheik's outfit next week.
Michael Sophocles. (Always referred to using the full nomenclature, like Didier Six or Johnny Rep). Last week, guests on the Adrian Chiles show all said "Michael...hmmm, yes he's clever..". To which Chiles replied "hmm...Michael Sophocles, yes..." imparting some sort of sagacity to him simply because of his name, presuming Sophocles to be a philosopher as opposed to a dramatist. Sophocles is an idiot of the highest order, as you pointed out by quoting the "discerning palate" scene. Nobody has really noticed it yet. They just think he's "clever".
Finally, Lindi. She announced on the Chiles show that she was "a living miracle". For that piece of arrogance alone she deserved the boot. Also she was decidedly stupid, hidden by a blustery nature. It was her, after all, who priced lobsters at a fiver.
Carol Thatcher, a guest on the Chiles show, condemned Helene for being "bossy and overpowering". Just like her old Mum then...
Great review this week... especially as the episode was so lacklustre.
In the words of Alex - 'that's next level. I mean, it's what I would call next level'
He's so irritating.
Is it me, or is Alex rapidly becoming a moaning git? I know it's all in the editing, but even so...
Perhaps he suffers a huge fall later in the series and they're preparing us for it.
I too had trouble differentiating between the teams this week. Probably because they were both working at near identical dairies and selling in identical outlets. Besides, the mixing of teams hasn't helped.
It is somewhat difficult to differentiate between the teams because they all tend to morph into one mass of self-congratulatory high-fiving, especially the women. By the same token, the men tend all all laud themselves as "grafters".
Thus, Jennifer and Jennifer, despite obvious differences in appearance, seem similar. Ditto Lee McQueen and little Kevin.
This was certainly the poorest episode of the series so far and I hope not a sign of things to come. The editing was heavy handed with the winning team telegraphed almost immediately. Only showing Lucinda's team doing well and Claire's team doing badly gave the game away totally. Let's hope the editing team sort themselves out next week for a more even episode.
That said, there was once again the usual postering and tantrums. Alex's reaction to finding out they had been gasumped by their opponents at the cinema chain was priceless - it looked like he was going back into to the Clapham cinema to punch the manager's lights out. Backed up by Kevin, Alex merely had a sulk at the manager and then stormed out - what happened to their honed negotiating skills? Why didn't they try and negotiate again with them? Alex's grumpiness (absent in episode one) is now getting pretty tedious.
Lucinda was a revelation as manager but only in so far as she has been absolutely useless in previous episodes. She was even getting on with Helene in the Board Room until she started grassing on her and saying that she (Helene) had slagged off Jennifer. Helene's face (and her freakish bulbous eyes) went into melt down and she reverted to her previous incarnation of hating Lucinda.
Sralan clearly had no intention of getting rid of Lucinda (Margaret has a soft spot for her), so it was always going to be between Jennifer and Lindi. Jennifer tried to start bullying Lucinda again in the Bridge cafe before the Boardroom, but was quickly slapped down by Lee, and then became much more conciliatory.
The issue of the exclusivity was pretty dull. It has become quite clear that the negotiating skills of the chinless wonders is pretty dire and this episode was no exception. Why did they not try and increase the order say ten fold in return for the exclusivity is (as Srlan would say("unforgiveable"). I do like the fact that Sralan uses the term "unforgiveable" and then seeingly alway forgives that person immediately by sending them back to the house. Line of the night was when Sralan told Jennifer that her weakness of not giving idiots a second chance had rubbed off on him and she was being sent back to the house to fight another day. Her total lack of acknowledgement of the irony of Sralan's comment was equally baffling.
The after show with Adrian Chiles was once again a highlight, especially when Chiles referred to the pyjama-ed Raef as looking like Noel Coward. The studio guests were appalling though - the MD of Waitrose, some bloke who made chocolate puddings and Carol Thatcher wearing the worst wig I have ever seen.
Roll on next week, but let's hope the editing is of a better standard...
Sir Alan told them that they should have turned down a sale rather than offer exclusitivity.
Presumably, they'd have then lost by more - the point of the game was to get sales that day. And then Sir Alan would have berated them for turning down a sale, no?
Boldwood books said (re Lindi): "It was her, after all, who priced lobsters at a fiver."
AND wasn't it Lindi's bright idea during the laundry task to price EVERY item at £4.99 when pitching to the hotel? (And idea that Lindi initiated and evil red head Jennifer backed to the hilt.)
I felt that Lindi deserved to go more for her STUPIDITY in previous tasks than specific errors in the latest task.
Has this woman never had to shop / budget / do laundry at a laundrette? Is she perhaps pampered and spoilt at home, still cossetted by Mummy and Daddy and has no idea of the adult world?
Her biggest crime this episode was her overinflated opinion (oh yeah, and booking appointments to sell ice cream to independent ice cream makers was pretty dumb as well!).
What is worrying about many of the guests on the Chiles show, such as the Waitrose guy and the chocolate puddngs man is how much they seem to admire the qualities of many of the egomaniacs they see before them, despite numerous examples of collective and individual idiocy and rank poor businss sense shown to everyone. They still say "Lindi you were fantastic" or whatever.
I did like how (unless I missed it) the show never confirmed whether or not Lucinda made that comment about Jen, thus casting some doubt on her character. She also reminds me somewhat of Shameless's Sheila. Alex seems to do most of his bitching in the solely-to-camera parts so there's a strong chance that the rest of the teams are unaware of his strategy.
Roy Keane (circa Man Utd) was a fan of that "fail to prepare, prepare to fail" slogan and, in fairness, it seemed to work for him.
Is being 'literally shocked' worse than just being shocked? If it is, then that's what happened to me when those swindling thieves at EDF Energy sent me my gas bill. Basically, at the end of the day, I was, like, literally shocked. Do you know what I mean?
Yes Sharon, you're right, it was Lindi's stupidity over four weeks that meant she deserved to go, as well as her "laundry 24-hour hotline" and her shameless brown-nosing of Jennifer Celerier in the first episode.
Incidentally, the tabloids have detailed several reports on Jennifer Celerier's promiscuity. What a thought !!
Does she pronounce it CeleriER or CeleriAY I wonder ?
We've given up on The Apprentice in our household, just find it too excruciating to watch, I still enjoy reading your reviews though.
The thing that really irked me about the last series was that all the way through nobody had a good word to say about any of the contestants until they got down to the last 3 and then all-of-a-sudden they're 'Outstanding'. I'm sure the same will happen this time round.
Andrew, can I suggest next week you make Jennifer (ex B*wtched) rather than part time Corr, Thanks.
My favourite bit last night was Raef shouting "Fif....teen....litres! Yargh!" down the phone at Lucinda.
I know Alex has been passing the buck to anyone and everyone for the last few weeks, but in last night's episode he went one step furtehr and blamed the cinema guy! When the deal fell through he started moaning about how the manager had 'made himself out to be something he's not' and was 'acting like the big I am'. No he didn't Alex you idiot! He said that he couldn't make any decisions and that they would have to come back later to talk to the Chrief Buyer and Area Manager!
Pretty boring episode all in all though, but next week's looks good. Greetings cards for if you're single or if you're about to have a boob/nose job! Can't believe I'm going to miss it, I really should have booked my holiday for after the Apprentice had finished! I will be relying on this blog to fill me in upon my return!
Zoe
Well I enjoyed the shows last night. I never try to second guess who's up for the chop so I suppose I don't notice biased editing. I think the boardroom bits this week were some of the best of the series.
The "If you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail." is soooo old I was expecting (OK hoping) that he was going to give an old phrase an ironic twist.
So much to agree with - especially regarding Alex's duplicity. It was good to see Lucinda failing to flounder, but a shame that she couldn't trust her team enough to insist on the 'reshuffle' before they all went out a-selling.
Nice to see Lee McQeen standing by his 'she was a great project manager' even after they'd lost.
Lee McQueen is concerned
I really enjoyed last night's episode, and thanks Andrew for pointing out the bit where they all mocked the countryside, it really annoyed me! It was unusual in that the best team lost. If it was Renalpha Version Claire that lost, Surallan could've picked on: the fact they only booked two appointments (even when you discount the ice-cream sellers, still less than the other team), turning up so late to the tasting the village hall was locked, hawking ice cream door-to-door (not exactly professional looking) and taking four hours to travel ten miles to buy fifty oranges and some cider!
I was really impressed with Lucinda. Jennifer and Lindi said she made no difference and the task would've been the same if Lucinda wasn't manager. They've missed the point there; Lucinda just let everyone get on with it rather than letting her ego or a vindictive streak get in the way. It was interesting that people seem to think that this style is bad management! I hope Lucinda or Lee win, since they're the only ones who talk like normal people.
Surallan claims at the start that "no-one's like him, he's unique". Well, it seems to me they're all like him, talking the same ridiculous management-speak. I don't know why he seemed so annoyed in the boardroom with Lucinda, and so dismissive of her current career. He asked her to 'assess the risk of her getting fired', and got annoyed when she replied 'one in three' (which is right!) and said he doesn't need a risk assessor because 'he takes risks'. In my mind, if you're going to take risks, a risk assessor is EXACTLY what you need.
It's been suggested on and off the show that Alex is playing a game, which may be true but I just want to say that I cannot see any logic to any such strategy and that playing one would only reveal tactical incompetence. You want to do your best on every task, so that a) your team wins and b) your reputation is enhanced. Unless I'm missing something? Of course, it would be boring if they didn't let their egos rule. Speaking of which, I think Jennifer B*wtched-Corr may be a true narcissist (not a nice thing to say but the clues were unmissable).
Another point on tactics: the game isn't played on a level playing field and non-Sir Alan favourites need to massively outperform his favourites to even stand a chance… so all candidates should assume they aren't a Sir Alan favourite - which may be impossible for some - and not be rubbish.
On Raef - I'm a little suspicious now of his carefully managed presentation; but if a media job awaits, good luck to him, he plays himself very well.
'Supergrass Lucinda'… you gotta love the way she let that 'snake' comment slip out! Helene is Tom and Lucinda is Jerry - or something along those lines that I can't think of right now. Weirdly 'fruitcake' seems to describe her very well but not in the unimaginative sense Helene meant.
Sophocles is the opposite of shrewd and I'm wondering if you can bet on how many more sudden looks of disappointment 'Puff' Sir Alan will make him pull.
Lee McQueen was born concerned Swineshead!
PS Well done on getting the commenting to work for you.
@Sharon said
It was actually that idiot Agent Orange AKA Jenny Celerier who suggested that they price every laundry item at £4.99. Lindi was the complete prat who fawningly said what an absolutely brilliant idea that was!
Jim
Other highlights last night included Lucinda's astute observation that the probability of her going was one in three, and Sophocles asking the blokes in the pub what ice creams their wives would like best. Especially when one was not married and one was divorce. Good to hear what flavour the man's sister-in-law would prefer though!
Zoe
JW and Cerebusboy, apologies for being slow on the uptake via-a-vis the apparently age-old "fail to prepare/prepare to fail" nugget. It's been over ten years since I went on a training course. Or indeed had a job. Eleven years!
Anyone else find watching "The Apprentice" is like watching one's previous working life flashing before them, nightmarishly ?
From the current series I can identify Jenny Celerier, Michael Sophocles, Lindi, Kevin, Simon, Ian, Lucinda, Helene and Lee McQueen as exceptionally close in character and general demeanour to various people I have (unfortunately) had the displeasure of working with in the past. Why, I even worked with a preening toff like Raef once.
There is a man I worked with extremely recently who blabbered "management/marketing speak" with no hint of irony all day long.
Watching "The Apprentice" brings this nightmare back to me every Wednesday. People really do talk and behave like that, believe me.
It must be a "light bulb moment" !
I think if you've worked in more than two companies, or more than two departments of a large one you've met pretty much all the stereotypes presented.
For example I met the male equivalent of Jennifer "Corr" who was great on self-puffery but rubbish on actually doing the sales. Equally I've worked with several Lees whose proudest boasts were, almost universally, that they were rough diamonds. My thought at those times were, "when do we get to actually see the diamond?"
As mentioned over on WWM, most blokes have been beaten up by a Lee McQueen. And I've had a girlfriend or two stolen (using underhand tactics, obviously) by Alex Wotherspoons.
Has nobody pointed out yet that the reason The Apprentice is so familiar/cringemaking/funny is the characters resemblance to our finest contemporary satire The Office? all of them could walk straight in there. The lack of self-awareness in their use of language and general stupidity combined with a self belief worthy of David Brent is jaw dropping. The way they all think by adopting a grab bag of business phrases and simulated go-getter attitudes is somehow the way to behave in commerce is beyond parody. Because it is parody.
Oh, but I love the way siralan enunciates 'blahdy'. I look forward with relish to every time he uses it. You know he just wants to say 'blahdy women' a lot, but checks himself just in time.
11 years since you went on a course? If you don't count a C programming course that I did from CD Roms I reckon that it's 13 years since I went on one so that's obviously not the only place we get exposed to idiot speak!
I disagree with those that suggest we all know people like the candidates. Perhaps one of the reasons that The Apprentice entertains me and doesn't wind me up as it obviously does some is that I've never known anyone like the current "cast". I suppose working in such a large company where I never come into contact with the sales people (I don't even know where they are!) helps.
Never assume. It makes an ass of u and me.
Lindi was, I think it's safe to say, on the women's team when the men's team priced lobsters at £5 each. And as has been said it was a Jennifer who came up with £4.99 per item for the hotel laundry contract. Lindi was there though, looking inappropriately pleased with herself.
I enjoyed last night's show. I liked the fact that they didn't flag up the glaring error of offering exclusivity deals. I thought at first it was just going to be ignored, but in the end its importance was crucial. That said, the heavy editing of the other team's last minute £800 deal made me suspect that they'd made a similar offer: "We could offer you a discount... [snip] ...Well that's great then, thanks a lot, see you. Yay! We're ace! Etc." And even if they didn't offer exclusivity, were they authorised to offer a discount? (How do I ever get to sleep at night?)
I had no problem following which team was which: the ones doing "surprisingly" well were Lucinda's. And I didn't think it was really obvious who was going to win (or at least who was going to get fired) until we got to the gloating in the car. (How old are these people? Well I don't know but clearly they're old enough to recognise what you have to do to get through the auditions, and to just keep doing that.)
The programme makers were presumably surprised to find that making ice-cream is a piece of piss (one of Alpha's rejected product names - and flavours). From my point of view it's a good sign that they didn't simply manufacture some disasters to mask their disappointment, even if it didn't make for great television.
Personally I see Lucinda as more of a Lady Penelope than a Chatterley. Well, Lady Penelope with allergies. She should, of course, have said, "I'm not going to try to second guess you, Sir Alan. It's one in three."
And I'd give George the benefit of the doubt. It certainly seemed to me that he was joking with the two men in the pub when he said he could see they were busy. If anything it was a rare example of contestants dealing well with members of the public and appearing fairly human themselves, even if it was a pointless exercise as far as market research goes.
Oh yeah, forgot to say that the gloating in the car reminded me of Steve Coogan's character in Dearth Of A Salesman after closing a big deal: "A wank, I think."
I stand corrected. Shamefully. It was indeed the men's team who priced lobsters at £4.99. However, Lindi has been guilty of stupidity in every episode. I just can't quote any examples !
I have a very, very low cringe threshold, and am proud to say I have never sat through an hour of these god awfull people being awfull. Anything I know about this sort of thing comes from "The Unloser"
Seriously, If we keep making eye contact with these people and giving them change when they make a crap pastry, Fooshka and Jonty and Tomothy and whoever will never sod off back to 1986 where they belong.
just caught up with the Saturday repeat and the switching of team members confused me too. There were far too many shots of different trios in the backs of identikit cars to keep up. That said, i've got a couple of other gripes too. I can understand why they went for an independent cinema chain given that they were flogging independent ice cream, but surely these are the kind of Gordon Gecko types who always think big - why didn't we see anyone at all suggest going to a Vue or an Odeon? And it was surely too much of a handy dramatic coincidence that they both ended up with separate meetings at different branches of the same chain at almost the same time?
As for avocado and chilli ice cream, it was less heston blumenthal, more duck in chocolate from Tim Spall's restaurant Regret Rien in that old mike leigh film whose name escapes me.
A couple of other niggles. Programme is getting repetitive. Apart from similarity of tasks, there only seems to be two themes - class conflict and women bitching about each other.
Also annoying is the way language and grammar is mangled. George Bush has nothing on this bunch. Too many examples to cite and Andrew has already noted a few. At least it shows it isn't scripted. Either that or they are dreadful actors.
By the way, I have a mole on the show who won't tell me who has won but did tell me that the whole thing is filmed over about a three-week period, which must be pretty intense for everyone. Not that it wins them that much sympathy from me.
Finally, has anyone else noticed how Sir Alan's head seems about to wobble like a Thunderbirds puppet whenever he says "You're Fired!"
Anyway. Didn't want to read Andrew's column until after I'd seen the show, but as ever, hilarious. The column, not the show.
I've been saying for the last three weeks that the editing - in terms of the storytelling element - has been poor. The most annoying this week though was that they were so desperately trying to get us to believe that Lucinda’s team had won, that it came as no surprise to learn that she hadn’t.
A general comment about the show now - How is that often as many as fourteen people can manage to wash, shower/shave, dress, breafast and be out and ready for Sir Alan, all looking imaculate, in less than 30 minutes ?
I find the "6.30 am phone call from Sir Alan's office" scene at the start of each show the most hackneyed and laughable part of the programme. The slight air of surprise that each contestant who answers the phone carries in their voice when they find it is Sir Alan's office on the phone is ludicrous. "Oh my God, guys, it's Sir Alan's office, he wants us ready in HALF AN HOUR!!".
My oh my, what a shock. Who did you expect on the phone ? Raef's auntie ? A double-glazing salesperson ?
Furthermore, witness Claire's simpering apology when Sir Alan trned up in person - "sorry I'm not dressed more appropriately, Sir Alan", to which he made absolutely no comment. She then ran into the main part of the house, all bouncing boobs and towelling dressing gown, telling everyone that "Sir Alan doesn't like to be kept waiting!!". Priceless.
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