Mad Woman
I know it's, like, old news already, but did anyone else see Madonna at Radio One's Big Weekend at the weekend? (It was shown on BBC3 and is on the iPlayer for two more days.) She closed the first night of the festival in Mote Park in Kent, doing a gig in what has been described as the biggest tent in the world. (Actually it wasn't a Madonna gig, it was a carefully choreographed leg of her 40-minute, six-song Hard Candy Promo Tour, organised by her new sponsors, Live Nation, which rolled out across the world thus: New York, Paris, Maidstone. I expect the two "fucks" she said were scripted too.) Did anybody else find the whole thing a bit tragic? A bit creepy? A bit knackered?Madonna is a bit of a joke now, isn't she? The stupidly over-toned muscles (two hours a day, seven days a week with her personal trainer, she revealed in a robotic interview with Jo Whiley in a set seemingly borrowed from the Tweenies). The plucked eyebrows. The English accent. The middle-aged swearing. The pret-a-élevé baby*. And yet here she was, headlining a festival in a tent in Kent with her cool DJ and her energetic dance troupe and her electric guitar, huffing and puffing around the stage as anyone aged 50 might be expected to do, and miming. I know she dances more than Frank Sinatra did - and nobody's knocking how lithe she is for a mum - but Sinatra never mimed! Nor did Elvis. Nor does Bowie. Sloppily for a pro, she even moved the mic away from her mouth a couple of times and miraculously kept singing at the same volume. Oops.
The deal seemed to be: sing live for the verse and then allow the backing tapes to take over for the chorus. Call me an old purist, but does this not seem a bit cynical? Especially the Promo Tour aspect. The thousands gathered in the tent - most of them well over Radio 1's target age-group and, hmmm, mostly male - didn't seem to care. But isn't it time to slow down, get some dignity and stop doing the desperate porn poses (see: Hard Candy album sleeve below)? What's wrong with being 50? Why fight it? And stop doing that with the electric guitar. What must your kids think?
*Pardon my French.
posted by Andrew Collins @ 5:34 PM
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Nobody has a go at Iggy Pop for having overtoned muscles. Nobody has a go at every other pop act for miming. Nobody minds rock bands promoting their albums. While I find the whole porn-strutting thing a bit much sometimes, I can't help feeling Madge is subjected to hackneyed old male/female stereotyping. She does what she wants to, how she wants to. Respect to that if people want to buy it.
And it all looked spectacular, if epilepsy-inducing. Although on the radio, without the visuals, it sounded like crap. Madge is about showmanship, with the emphasis on 'show', not on music. And she delivered.
And as for fighting 50 - she played Maidstone. That's Maidstone*, Craphole, England. About as '50' as you can get. Go Madge.
Anna
In Kent. Near Maidstone.
*Even if in an interview she quoted it as being 'London'. And Usher thought it was 'Manchester'. But he's named after a crap cinema job, so we have to make allowances.
Hey, Anna, I don't want to get tarred with the big old Music Industry Sexism brush! I also find Iggy Pop's musculature creepy. I just think she ought to be above pretending to be young. David Bowie wears a nice suit. He hasn't dressed up as a clown since he was about 30. (And if she was just "every other pop act" nobody would mind that she was miming, but she's not, is she? Her last tour was the biggest selling tour ever, or something. She was supposed to be headlining a festival, not doing a PA in HMV.)
It's not pretty whichever way you bend it over and about. She looks like someone has done strange things with salt water taffy.
This week I have been listening to Neil Diamond's new album, which is ace and skill!
It was a Radio 1 headline slot. That, in my book, is about on a par with a PA in HMV. I can't take anything about the station seriously. Neither can I take her new album (bland, urban-by-numbers crap) seriously. But The Masses do. And they did. She's not a singer like Sinatra and Elvis. And I can't think of anything decent that Bowie has put out for years in terms of either albums or live performances. Other than his cameo in Extras. She mimed a lot in her last world tour too. I can't think of anyone who does that much jumping around who doesn't. It's not music, it's performance. I say let her have her hi-NRG codswallop rappy swansong, and let's see if the next album is more 'mature'. The only genre she hasn't ever jumped on is the Celine Dion balladeer one. Maybe a year headlining Vegas is the way to go next.
Anna
ps - nice turn on The Music Group btw.
I agree with Andrew. Everyone is constantly making the same sort of comments about Mick Jagger. regardless of sex, it smacks of desperation.
One of the great advantages of being over 40, is that you slowly start to not care what people think about the way you dress, the music you listen to, how 'cool' you are.
Anyone who hasn't reached that point by 50, obviously has some issues.
She looks like an old randy whippet who's been working out in a Frankie Goes to Hollywood video.
On the point of plucked eyebrows - it's not necessarily a 'joke' that she still plucks them, or a sign of someone trying to hold onto their 'youth'. Some people (especially those with Latin heritage) NEED to pluck their eyebrows if they want to avoid caterpillar mono-brows - trust me!
I don't mind my musicians and performers looking a bit ropey. Or sounding a bit rough and ragged even. But Madge isn't making very good records these days. She's sounding stale and judging by the past copule of albums, really just seems to be going through the motions. I'm hoping this is her "Tin Machine" phase.
I would also like to be assciated with the comments of Good Dog regarding Neil Diamond's re-birth.
Damn fine. And don't forget to Press the Red Button after 10pm on Saturday night to catch his recent Radio 2 performance.
Hey, Janey, I have distinctly Latinate eyebrows myself! I feel her pain. But she's overplucked them. She looked nicer with more brow.
Yes I agree she's someone who makes me uncomfortable these days. She's stale and hasn't had any joie de vivre since "Music" and these "sexy" photos have to stop, because she's a mother. Please don't crucify me for that but if my Mum did that when I was 11 or so I would eventually decide never to speak to her again. I read Julie Burchill's article about her which made the stomach turn as she recounted the images of the Sex book and wrote in a way that isn't in my definition of feminism. There it said she works out 4 hours a day. Impressive, but it got me thinking that many a normal working mother probably works out as much if not more, it's just that her exercise is not designed to work the body equally or be relaxing. Think about it: up early to make food and dash around the house, take kids to school, walk to work, work could be energetic like cleaning, supermarket stacking or it might be a sedentary office job, shopping, walk home with bags, housework, play with kids, cooking, leisure activities. What's the betting Madge doesn't usually do the gardening, housework, shopping or cooking?
As always, it's great to compare the 'babies of 1958'.
Michael Jackson - Massive in the 80s. Relies almost entirely on backing tapes now and you'll be hard pressed to find a live concert after 1988 where he sings all the songs live. Now currently keeping a very low profile and hasn't had a big success since the very early 90s.
Madonna - Massive in the 80s. Also falling back on backing tapes so she can dance - yeah cause that makes sense for a singer! Now acting all slutty, and down with the kids pretending she's still a bad girl of the music industry.
Prince - Massive in the 80s. Now has retired the sexually explicit songs, doesn't swear anymore in songs or concerts because he says it's old and too prevalent and music needs to be about the music again. Performs live and sings every note of every concert and moves around like you wouldn't believe.
All born in 1958, all massive artists yet only one of them seems to be growing older with style. And he's the Jehovah's Witness!! Has the world gone mad?!
"The deal seemed to be: sing live for the verse and then allow the backing tapes to take over for the chorus."
Thing is, if you hit 50 and you want to do all the strutting stuff (and, let's face it, you never were much of a singer anyway), it doesn't matter how many hours a day you spend in a gym - you're going to run into problems..
I can't stand Madonna, myself. Nathan Rabin, writer for online magazine The AV Club, did a great job describing her:
"Even when the Madonna android does something seemingly spontaneous or rebellious, like trying to shock David Letterman by talking about pot and dropping the F-bomb indiscriminately, it feels like the programmers behind her simply downloaded a provocation upgrade into her mainframe and waited for revenue-generating controversy to ensue.
(...)
As I argued in my Inventory piece on Great Moments in The Co-Option Of Hip-Hop, Madonna is pop culture’s preeminent vampire, a ghoulish parasite who must feast on the lifeblood of the young and vital to postpone the seemingly inevitable descent into irrelevancy."
http://www.avclub.com/content/blog/my_year_of_flops_case_file_83
I know our tastes mellow as we get older and less precious, but I'd like to know when Andrew liked Madonna the most...
The thing with Women In Pop is that they have to be eternally sexy; much as it would be lovely for every girl to be able to mature into the female equivalent of Nick Lowe (at my age!), it just doesn't happen.
Fair point, Clair - I'm not going to sit here, Canute-like, and deny sexism and ageism within the entertainment industry. But look at Diana Ross. I don't recall her embarrassing herself as the years passed. (She may be something of a diva, but that doesn't bother me - diva-dom knows no gender.) I felt sad when, a couple of years back, Belinda Carlyle felt the need to get some new breasts and show them to Playboy when her new record was coming out. That was definitely a case of: I have stopped the march of age, look at me.
Madonna has always made interesting capital out of her sexuality, from Like A Virgin onwards, and she's never struck me as anything but a strong woman, utterly in charge to the point of dictatorship. And believe me, Clair, I do not think anybody has to stop being sexy beyond 40, male or female. But there is a degree of desperation about Madonna that unsettles me.
The last time I liked any music she produced was Ray Of Light, Matthew. It is the only album of hers I own, apart from The Immaculate Collection (which it would be odd not to own, I think). I bought Like A Virgin, the album, when it came out, and played it about six times, realising I only liked the single. That's not a problem. But Ray Of Light felt like a proper album.
Brilliant analysis, Simon, of the Babies of 1958, But don't forget the Baby of 1957 (December): Billy Bragg. Now there's an example of growing older gracefully and with principals intact. I would say that, but hey, you know it's true.
Well said Andrew! I've been a 'madge hater' for some time - its nice to see others realising that she's past it too.
If you type "Headcases Madonna" into YouTube you can see a spot-on animated mickey take of her.
I went to see Roger Waters last night and I must say PP Arnold still looks great and is in fine voice too. Carol Kenyon was also there and did a great vocal performance of the old Nurofen advert's "The Great Gig In The Sky" which mustn't be the easier thing to sing night after night on tour!
I'd pay just to hear them sing over "Madge" anytime.
Somehow, I suspect if Freddie Mercury was still around, he'd not be content to perform in a suit..and I wouldn't want him to!
(I find it scary that it's almost 17 years since he died!)
Madge is of course entitled to do whatever she wishes. However I do find her a tad scary. There is something joyless and stern in her physical- workout -routine-turned-into -a-stage-show. Like a particularly relentless and self-obsessed gym queen, she seems determined to prove what pathetic specimens we all are in comparison. I feel like hiding myself and my crisps behind the sofa, in case she spots them. And appropriately, the music just sounds some like some sort of forgotten-in-an-instant jumpabout gym tape from the 80's. Or is it just me?
Prince isn't without his funny little ways - like threatening to sue his fan sites. But musically he's still up there, especially as a performer.
I believe another '58er who's ageing well is Paul Weller.
I think she's a ghastly, humourless parody of an ageing popstar and must surely be the most embarrassing of mums.
She always comes across as an impatient bitch whose opinion is the only one that counts and who thinks she's somehow still relevant, when in reality she's only liked by gay men and mums, and in diminishing numbers.
If I had to see her I'd prefer her to mime, as personally I don't think she can sing a bloody note. Every time I have heard her sing live, it's been painful.
As for her image, it's her kids I feel sorry for. Lourdes must be nearly a teenager by now. I know all parents are embarassing at that age, but imagine having to deal with that!!!
Zoe
It's Madonna's aggressive sexuality which scares me; that 'LOOK, I MIGHT BE 50 THIS YEAR BUT I COULD 'AVE YOU'thing. And whilst I have no problem with the older woman/younger man scenario, public groin-bumping with Justin Timberlake looks a bit sad.
You're all ignoring her main contemporary - Mark E Smith.
I'd like to see Madge do a version of '50 Year Old Man' from the new Fall album. "WARRA YA GONNA DO ABOUT IT-AH?"
I love that Fall track.
Madonna today reminds me a bit of what Tina Turner was in the 80s. Her appeal inversely proportional to her attempts to be appealing.
And what's with all that guitar playing nonsense. If she'd put in 4 hours a day to learn a few chords I'd be impressed, but Laura Viers she ain't.
This reminds me of my sister saying, in response to the Papa Don't Preach video, "Come off it missus, you're nearly 30!" I think Madonna only knows how to do one thing and she's going to keep doing it until... well christ knows. I'm starting to see her as a kind of symbol of the record industry.
She should deal with her mid-life crisis in a similar manner to another pop singer who turned fifty in the last year. By growing a luxuriant moustache and employing a man with a massive beard to play a tiny guitar. Now that would be a spectacle for the people of Maidenhead to behold.
terwiliger
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