Calves of steel
The new Collings & Herrin Podcast, Number 15 no less, is fired up. For some reason, having discussed such burning issues as the Universal Studios Inferno, Fern Britton's "diet fib" and the soft launch of mini-socks, Richard and I took to comparing the tautness of our calf muscles, hence the pictorial evidence. Richard [left] is very proud of his. I [right] take mine for granted. I hope you enjoy the podcast. It's rare that you get to hear two men having nervous breakdowns before your very ears.
posted by Andrew Collins @ 2:47 PM
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34 Comments:
Hey Andrew great podcast! Hate to tell you Andrew, but 118 811 is a cheap version of 118 118...
http://www.118.com/static/products.html
Connor
Hold on, when you say Richard's leg is on the left and yours is on the right, do you mean from the perspective of the person looking at the picture or the perspective of the leg-owners? I want to know exactly whose limb I am looking at at any given time.
Check out all that foliage! I have no hair on my calves whatsoever and I don't shave them.
For Richard's narcissistic sake, I will confirm that his is on the left as you look at the photo.
Unrelated, but the comments on here defy belief...
I listened to some of this week's podcast and it genuinely is the sound of two men having a nervous breakdown. It's good how you revert to being teenagers for an hour each week - great therapy and probably will also prove to be a curious footnote in both your careers...
It's worth a click on the link Swineshead posted above - it's an American news site reporting on the treatment of Muslims in British prisons and the sheer consensus of viewpoint among those who have commented is quite astounding!
Andrew!
There is no comment feature on Richard's blog, so please could you pass this on to him? Thank you in advance.
In his blog entry which references the arrival of podcast 15, he talks about his invention of the Conkey cult, whose founding member, Ian Conkey, is interviewed in an old Fist Of Fun. Here's where it goes a bit wrong. In the accompanying clip (linked from his blog), the guy interviewing the man playing Pong asks him if he plays Galaxians, and the man says, "Oooh, no, no, no -- 1983." There are two problems here. First, it was called Galaxian, not Galaxians. Second, Galaxian was released in 1979, not 1983. It would, therefore, be an entirely appropriate entry in the Conkey videogame library.
Richard wouldn't have written the following, would he?
"What about The Empire Strike Back?"
"No, no, no -- 1983."
(The Empire Strikes Back being the correct title, of course, of a film from 1980, making it something that would just about fit into the Conkey entertainment manifesto.)
Like your mother -- at least when it comes to videogames -- Richard is a fucking idiot, and I hope he keeps all this in mind whenever he is inclined to reference the world of videogame entertainment in his future works.
Gratefully yours,
Tom
Tom, there is a forum on Richard's website. Click on Guestbook in the menu along the top.
I think it's slightly sad that Fern Britton didn't feel she was able to be open about having had a gastric band fitted two years ago.
This may be partly because of the media backlash that was vented at Anne Diamond, when the news of her gastric op became public as well.
It seems that admitting to weight loss surgery is seen as "cheating" when in fact WLS is only a tool which helps with weight loss.
Whilst I am self-admitted morbidly obese (but trying to do something about it), I do think there is much more pressure on women in the media to conform.
A few days ago when I wrote one of my blog entries "Big Fat Lies" I was trying to rack my brains to think of any other "happy and fat" women in the media (other than Dawn French) and I couldn't think of any.
All the women who came to mind either HAVE lost weight or have TRIED to lose weight: Vanessa Feltz, Anne Diamond, Oprah Winfrey, Alison Moyet.
When I tried to think of other "big fat happy men" (other than Robbie Coltrane) there were loads to choose from: Johnny Vegas, Phil Jupitus, Chris Moyles, James Corden, etc etc.
LOADS more men in the media / on TV who don't feel the pressure to conform.
Now I am not, by any means, advocating being "fat and happy" (it has not made me happy; it has made me depressed and caused me lots of health problems) but for those people who are genuinely happy at their weight and don't have health problems, it seems there is much more leniency for men than there is for women.
There was no wikipedia or really any easy to use internet in 1995 when Stewart Lee and I wrote this sketch.If there was then no doubt we would have verified our sources. As it was we just made up stuff for that sketch.
Though of course the Conkeys would not have had recourse to up to date information retrieval systems and there is a chance that the mistake was theirs. Yes, let's say it was that. And that the whole thing was thus a deliberate satire.
Well, would you look at that. I shall tell him myself. Thank you.
Tom
I have a penchant for middle aged men with hairy legs so I would like to take this opportunity to praise your lovely furry little trotters.
Well, my previous comment appearing after Richard's makes me look silly, eh?
I appreciate the feedback, Richard. I did wonder to myself how the Conkeys sourced the vacuum cleaner, too -- how they verified its year of manufacture as being pre-1980, and so on. Then I did today's count of the ceiling tiles here in the office where I work. Still 24 x 18 (which makes 432).
Tom
You may claim to take your calves for granted Andrew, but you love your right one enough to point at it in order to get our attention.
I am pointing past mine at Richard's. Obviously.
Andrew, Have you shaved the back of your leg for some reason - it looks a little...bare? Or perhaps it's a fungal infection of some sort that's killed off your follicles.
Andrew, just listening to your podcast. Sadly the King Kong at Universal Orlando has been replaced by The Mummy so no more animatronic Kongs the same size as "the real Kong".
Andrew, by "mini-socks" do you mean "trainer socks"??
At the start I thought you were going down a bit of a Lionman road again but then I remembered I had a pair. I remember them being popular about 7 years ago; I dunno for adults as I was leaving primary school at the time.
Also, there’s a little robin that lives somewhere in my back garden and it was perching on a little statue thing we have, so I took its photo on my rubbish camera phone-I do not know how to transfer it but I’ll work it out. Anyhow it flew away after a bit so I thought I’d leave it a few raisins (since you mentioned on your podcast about feeding and enticing a robin)...it has rejected the raisins and has yet to return...
Is it the raisins I took from my dad or is it me?!
Oh well, I’m sure the robin will return and I’m enjoying the pod casts =]
Thanks, Liv H.
Have you tried asking them 'What is the sound of one hand clapping?'
Poor old Leonard Cohen's been trying to work that one out for fucking years - and it's driving him mental.
While you're at it - if a tree falls in the forest and there's no-one around DOES it make a sound?
That should keep the cunts busy.
Last night in Tescos I was casually perusing the yoghurt section when the perplexed-looking man next to me asked "Where do they keep crème fraiche?". I didn't realise until I listened to the podcast this morning that he was actually trying to crack on to me. Damn, he was quite attractive too...
Re: NON hairy legs
I don't expect either of you saw the back page of The Sun yesterday (ie Tuesday 3 June). I know you're both committed lefty Guardianistas.
My reason for buying The Sun today? either (a) I buy a lot of papers and vary my reading material; or (b) the cute legs on the back caught my eye. (Take your pic of whichever excuse you prefer or find more plausible.)
Anyway .....
Cristiano Ronaldo has the SMOOTHEST, non hairy, shapely, girlie legs I have ever seen on a man!
I am unable to scan in the sports page in question, nor could I find the same pic on The Sun online, so I trawled the internet for a similar pic of Ronaldo exposing his lovely legs:
http://i236.photobucket.com/albums/ff259/parttimepundit/novHeader_07.jpg
Phew!
Non-hairy legs on a man scare me. Ronaldo looks like silk hankies would just glide down his leg, although his head:neck ratio in that picture above is also a little weird. For some reason, I thought Rich and Andrew would have paler legs. I think I think about these things a little too much....
What does The views of Andrew Collins are necessarily those of Andrew Collins actually mean? And why is this statement on the main web page?
Adrian
Adrian, it is a parody of what used to appear on my first blog, which was on the BBC 6 Music website ("The views of Andrew Collins are not necessarily those of the BBC"). Once I'd moved my blog from under the BBC umbrella to my own website in 2006, it felt as if a large weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
I liked it when you did that impression of an oatmilk-swilling Norman Maine.
Re. The comments on the American News Site. I've been coming across a lot of this. And how many times have I been on the receiving end of or witnessed the "you have bad teeth and would be speaking German now" line of defence? It's frightening, and sadly Ms Stone's comments of last week are a familiar viewpoint. I once came across a man, for no apparent reason, triumphing over the victims of Bhopal Gas Disaster because they had "stolen" American jobs. Nobody had condemned him so I went wading in which just caused me more pain as he came out with more horrible remarks.
I agree Katie,
Men's legs should be hairy. I appreciate the professional swimmers and cyclists may need to wax/shave to make their limbs more aerodynamic, but otherwise I think there is no excuse.
Andrew, do you mind me asking if you have a hairy chest?
Herb, you're almost crossing a line here!
So Andrew how are you feeling about Friday 13th coming up next week?
How will you avoid this apocalyptic day??!
Will the podcast be moved to another day in the week?
Or will it be another excuse for Rich to abuse your mum?
Mu hubby had a full-leg wax when he cycled a mountain stage of the Tour de France a couple of years ago. I thought his legs looked LUSH, but he said it was so painful he'd never have it done again, the big girl.
He should try underarms, then he'd know all about pain.
Hi Andrew, is it true you're not writing the third series of Not Going Out? You mentioned that on the podcast and I wasn't sure if you were joking or not!
I am working on the third series, Paul.
Dear Collings and Herrin,
I see you have now fused together to form one comic duckloving entity. Is this part of the "relaunch"?
It's curious but true that the last ten or so minutes are the funniest. Does oat milk take forty minutes to get into your system? I might ask 118.
Peter
Ah, yes, that was me - it was part of an experiment I was conducting last night, trying to set up a separate Collings & Herrin blog, but it failed, and in the process I accidentally ruined this blog. I'll keep working at it.
"Almost", eh? I wonder what I need to do to fully cross it...
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