THESE CELEBRITIES ARE PASSIONATE ABOUT FOOD!
SORRY FOR SHOUTING, BUT IT'S CELEBRITY MASTERCHEF! AND GREGG AND JOHN ARE NOTHING IF NOT PASSIONATE ABOUT SHOUTING! I LOVE CELEBRITY MASTERCHEF! I KNOW IT'S ONE OF THOSE PROGRAMMES WHERE - HA HA - YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF THE CELEBRITIES! BUT I LIKE NON-CELEBRITY MASTERCHEF JUST AS MUCH. WHO CARES IF THEY'RE "FAMOUS" OR NOT - IT'S THE COOKING THAT MATTERS, AND I LOVE WATCHING PEOPLE MAKE FOOD! ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE PASSIONATE ABOUT FOOD!I can't keep this up. Let's calm down. This is an apt piece of advice, actually, since this year's Celeb Masterchef is a Liverpudlian love-in. Or was, until Louis Emerick (ie. Mick out of Brookside) was let go after a week of semi-finals, leaving just two Scousers: Mark Moraghan (ie. Greg out of Brookside) and Liz McClarnon (formerly out of Atomic Kitten). The token non-Scouser is Andi Peters, billed as the "much-loved TV presenter" rather than the "much-despised executioner of Top Of The Pops." I'd have been happier if he'd been voted out on Friday, as he's a bit soulless and technical for my liking, and way too serious and self-critical. Meanwhile, the three Liverpudlians have been fantastic telly. They really bond. I started to forget that Louis and Mark were actually competing against each other. And, as has already been pointed out, it's the most emotional Masterchef ever, with Mark actually bawling before the decision about the three finalists had been made. Liz was so happy at getting through she was inconsolable, having not actually used the downstairs bit of an oven before coming on the show, but her natural ability has got her through. A lesser commentator than I would call this a "journey." Let's not go there.
Masterchef is such a sound format (originally invented by Franc Roddam, who directed Quadrophenia, trivia fans): it's always been amateur cooks cooking - never mind the change of set, or the introduction of stunt cookery rounds. If anything, they've improved it by adding SHOUTY JUDGES. You can't not love John Torrode and Gregg Wallace and their catchphrases: "It just need a bit of HEAT." "Mate, THAT is what I call a dessert." "It's well-SEASONED, it's well-FLAVOURED." "This is a guy who LOVES to cook!" "It's GOOD, HONEST, home-cooked food." "It's like two different dishes on one PLATE." "I could fall in LOVE with that dessert." "STOP OPENING THE OVEN!" (That's a new one.)
I hope - and predict - that Liz will win. And in the montage accompanying her victory they'll show her cracking the glass with the dessert in it. And Mark will cry all over his GOOD, HONEST, home-cooked food until it is runny and over-seasoned.
On a side note: did anyone read Michael Buerk's account of his failure in the early rounds in the Radio Times? What a miserable, moaning, ungrateful twat. He agreed to do it even though he'd never seen the programme. What a waste of a place. I could have had that place.
posted by Andrew Collins @ 4:29 PM
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I hate Masterchef. It's never been the same since Loyd left to make his own curry sauce.
However, if I'd realised Greg Shadwick was in it, I'd have put my shouty prejudices to one side and watched it.
Deb H
Someone who's (close eyes) moooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooore (open eyes) than just a good home cook.
Love it. We've been having Mark Muraghan parties in our house since he was described as the 'celebrated' actor. We decided someone should actually celebrate him.
Zoe
You forgot,
"THAT'S A BEAUDIFUL PLADA FOOD"
It has been oddly compelling, quite surprising as prime-time and I aren't usually happy bed fellows.
Is there anywhere we can lobby to get you on the next series? I'd like to to see you sweating over some wheat-free masterpieces.
It is a bit like watching The Scousers from The Harry Enfield TV Show. I half expected Louis to don a curly wig and turn to Mark and say,'Hey hey, Alright soft lad! Calm down, calm down!'
All thoroughly likeable folk though.
Even Louis' bizarre romanticisation of his Scouse roots was somehow touching,' ... me, a simple lad from Liverpool 8, in the semi-finals of Celebrity Masterchef.'
You mean: Me. an actor who was in a very high-profile Liverpool soap opera for about 10 years and must be somewhat of a big celebrity in Liverpool ... in the semi-finals of Celebrity Masterchef.
I think Liz maybe cooks food as a way of avoiding eating it though. She looks skeletal.
And it sort of annoys me a little that she is allowed to cook with her long hair flying everywhere.
Some of it must have got in the soup. I doubt Gordon Ramsay would be quite so understanding.
I thoroughly like them all though, apart from Andi Peters. A man whose popularity has always left me bemused and who makes Alastair Darling look positively charismatic.
I tried to find that Michael Buerk article on the RT website. It's not a very clear website though, quite confusing to navigate round, so I gave up. They don't seem to have an archive. Needs a redesign I think.
They don't run the articles on the Radio Times website, Paul, it's just for listings really. You'll have to sneak a look in the shop.
Quite agree about Liz's hair. Or should that be "hur". I still like her though.
I think I was on a very longlist for Celeb Masterchef, or near it, last year, in that my agent was asked if any of her clients would be interested and I think they might have put my name forward. A tantalising thought. If I was on, I'd cook with all the dairy and wheat I could lay my hands on. (Also, I'd be petrified, to use Liz's favourite word.)
Zoe, I love the way they talk up the celebs in the voiceover: "much-loved", "celebrated", "renowned", "respected" etc.
No, I think Valentine's idea for 'wheat-free masterpieces' is a great idea. Also didn't they play a John peel session in about 1982?
Two and a half weeks now without wheat or dairy products.
And I feel Grrrrrrrreat!
PS: Okay, will check out the actual magazine.
I like Mark. And heill always be Owen from Holby City to me.He even used to operate wearing a Liverpool FC thingy on his head. And I love Masterchef, in fact I think I prefer the format now, and last years Celebrity version was worth it for Midge Ure's performance alone.
Next year, Andrew, get your agent to get you onto this.
Michael Buerk really is turning into a miserable old sod these days. Those days of him winking (I said winking) at the end of the news are long gone.
"Much-loved broadcaster, Andrew Collins", why didn't your agent get you this gig?
I SO love Liz, and get quite nervous for her when she breaks glasses, knocks over boiling pans with 2 minutes to go etc.
I worry that Andy Peters will actually KILL if he doesn't win the thing.
Why is that (rather attractive) Evening Standard critic always SO sourfaced? I mean, REALLY!
When they say 'the much-loved Andi Peters', are they referring to the self kind?
Managed to miss most of this so far this series, but am trying to make the effort for the finals week.
However, what bugs me about the introductions is use of "the" all the time. Surely most of them are just "a" successful newsreader or "a" award winning actor not the only one ever as implied by "the"?
I wouldn't for a moment wish anybody to think that it was anything to do with my agent's inability to get me on the programme! She's brilliant, and if there had been a way, she would have done it. As I say, they didn't ask for me. They were just "fishing", as bookers have to do with such a large intake of "celebrities". (I'm not being facetious with my speechmarks - an actor in The Bill has every right to cook against Denise Lewis the athlete or Andrew Castle the tennis player. Whether a man who does a podcast and writes a sitcom qualifies, I don't know.)
Calling an old man a twat? Herring's rubbing off on you. So to speak.
That woman from the Evening Standard is a twat, as evidenced in her rubbish documentary, Super Skinny Me.
Despite never having seen the programme I did read Michael Berk's whine in RT. And how unpleasantly superior and snotty he sounded - he appears to be proud of the fact that he is unable to cook! Bizarre.
How about 'much loved stand-in for Mark Kermode' as a talk up for you, Andrew?
Sorry, I'm misquoting him - it's not that he's 'unable' to cook that he's proud of is it, but that he has actually never cooked...still bizzare.
I enjoyed last week's episode with the critics as the one who isn't the woman or Jay Rayner looks just like Peter Griffin from Family Guy but a real actual human version! If only he spoke like him too...
Zoe
Much against my better instincts I've been watching it. Frankly I find it deeply unsatisfactory but I can't seem to put it down. My mate, Knoxy, (more of him later) was in the last non non-Celebrity one.
One thing I noticed about it is that everyone is younger than me. I appear to be the oldest person currently residing on the planet.
One contestant, with a face like a chewed up chip looked like she's been round the block a good few times. But no, up it comes on the screen,
SARAH, 32
A guy one night, balding with hairy ears, looking like Dobby from Harry Potter,
BOB, 35
What's going on?
And then Knoxy who is bald, chubby and has been working, to my knowledge, in IT, for the past 25 years. Up on the screen we see,
KNOXY, 33.
Thirty-Feckin-Two. I demand a recount!
Under the substantial influence of this life giving, life taking televisual feast I'm now able to tell friends at dinner parties that their mashed potatoes were slightly over-seasoned but "ate well" anyway.
Knoxy claims that he was "unlucky" with his ingredients. His "meat" option were mussels and he hates them. He refused to cook the "hairy bi-valve feckers". So he made a series of starters which "ate well" apparently but, alas, were a series of starters. His decision to employ the "just back from the buffet" style of presentation may also have lost him points.
Why don't you go on the show? Surely you have the colossus 'celebrity' leverage of twenty Andy Peters.
I'd love to see you buttering a trout.
The best quote so far of this year's Masterchef has got to be Greg's comment of 'Deep, deep mince' as he sampled the scruffiest plate of pasta I have ever seen. Clearly they are trying to be a little bit nicer to the slebs, although I've never considered the depth of mince to be worthy of praise (though I AM veggie, so what do I know?).
Andi Peters is a little bit desperate and scary - his big eyes seem to fill with tears when it is suggested that his duck could be more moist. I fear for his mental health - imagine if he had a disasterous chocolate fondant, he would need to be placed on suicide watch at Masterchef HQ!!
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