I'm made up
On Friday, I filmed my first ever humorous TV panel game - What The Dickens for Sky Arts. I was very excited to be asked, for self-evident reasons, but even more so when I found out how important the "quiz" side of it was. It's Arts-based, and although "mucking about" is positively encouraged, it's not one of those panel games where you know all the answers beforehand so you can make better, pre-written gags about them. (Indeed, they only showed us one thing beforehand, and that was a photo. And I couldn't think of any good funny things to say about it anyway.) It's much more about being on your wits, and the competitive element took over very quickly, as my team, captained by Chris Addison, started to lag behind the other team, led by Sue Perkins and also featuring misunderstood stand-up Russell Kane. (Russell was on his second ever humorous TV panel game, having filmed his first three days before: Celebrity Juice for ITV2, hosted by the fictional character Keith Lemon. This one, he said, was very different, and allowed him to be clever.) Anyway, I shall tell you no more, just in case you get Sky Arts. I actually don't.
The reason I bring it up is because I had my makeup sprayed on. I've been made up by professional makeup ladies many times, from Telly Addicts to News 24 (although hardly ever for talking head shows, as I think it would be impractical, and too costly for what is "cheap fucking telly"). You get used to it. Sometimes you remember to take it off afterwards, other times you go home on the train the colour of peach-flavoured Angel Delight. Anyway, it goes on with a sponge or puff. I know this. I am a TV professional.
But not any more. Now, it seems, they spray it on, with an airbrush. You close your eyes, hold your breath, and on it goes, evenly, all over your face. You come out of the makeup room looking like you've been painted in afterwards. It certainly gives an all-over colour - quite alarming when you first venture back into the green room and catch yourself in a mirror. I have no idea what's in makeup, but I'm guessing it's a chemical compound of some kind. Surely if airbrush makeup is to become the industry norm (and I'm told it's more common since HD television reared its ugly head), makeup ladies should wear protective masks. They could become the new coal miners if they're not careful. All those tiny particles of peach flying around.
Actually, I watched the other edition of What The Dickens being filmed back-to-back with ours on an HDTV feed, and you could see tiny particles of dust or dandruff on the dark jacket of a fellow panellist, something you'd never see on low-definition. I have seen the future, and I don't think I like it.
posted by Andrew Collins @ 4:52 PM
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Aren't you also supposed to keep the little paper collar-napkins on when you go across the road for a coffee, just so everyone knows youre off of the telly?
they probably dont do those anymore either. I feel very old.
Hi Andrew,
Do you know when this is going out?
Big fan of the blog and podcasts.
Adam
I think the series starts in November - I'll let you know when my edition is on. It's hosted by Sandi Toksvig and they have some good guests for other shows, including Richard Herring, Will Smith and Graeme Garden, to name but three.
I'd better sign up for Sky Arts. (How can you be a Sky subscriber and not automatically get all Sky-branded channels? It's a swiz.)
Wow, you certainly look different with the makeup!
What you said about the HD thing is certainly a problem. The BBC are (or at least were) planning to completely remake Albert Square for when they start doing that in HD because at present it looks like it's all made from cardboard. Which, apparently, isn't far from the truth.
I think they started doing it specifically for HD, because of all the hideous pores that were suddenly visible on the faces of our nation's celebrity class (excluding yourself, as I imagine all the oatmilk keeps your skin lustrous.)
I don't know how true this is, but supposedly during the filming of that BBC series The Blair Years that went out last year, Blair saw the rushes of the first episode on HD and demanded that he get the spray-on makeup for the subsequent interviews, and the difference is (apparently) quite noticeable from that point. This may all be a malicious rumour, which in true Internet style I have spread without checking in any way.
As you know I've played jazz on the telly a few times. Once, when doing this on Italian TV, the makeup lady very kindly combed my eyebrows for me (a first for me as they're not exactly Gandalf size). Probably to make them more jazz. Struck me as odd really - why would a camera zoom in on a jazz musician's eyebrows? And if it did, surely they should be un-combed in this line of business?
Are you sure you don't already have it? Oh, that sounds a bit patronising, sorry. In the old days when it was Artsworld it had a seperate sub, but these days it's bundled with other channels. I don't have films or sport but get Sky Arts. Mind you, the last series of What The Dickens was repeated on Sky 3, available on Freeview and Sky's version of Freesat. God, I'm dull. No wonder I work in a bank.
Rawr I didn't know you were going to be a panellist, Andrew. Still, I don't suppose I can get too fussy about not seeing you or Rich when the episode I saw featured the lovely Robin Ince.
I don't have Sky at all so by rights should never have seen anything anyway, especially for free. In your face, Murdoch.
Presumably you were able to bring out The Dickensian Aspect...?
"I'm guessing it's a chemical compound of some kind."
My makeup artist friend tells me it is potassium ethylthiocarbonate
Sky Arts used to be Artsworld but it wasn't making money and Sky bought it, rebranded it. It's the acceptable face of Sky for us middle classes.
Shows some good music programming if you keep an eye out for it.
Andrew Collins in HiDef you say ?
Maybe that'll bring the masses to SkyHD !
Sigh. I have Virgin (no chance in hell of ever getting anything with the name Sky in it) and Freeview (no chance of ever getting anything other than Sky 3, the repeat channel, for free).
No Sky = no see :-(
I only ever watched Artsworld/Sky for Slings and Arrows.
Performance - Mainstreet is the one I really miss - The Whistle test reruns and Polly Paulusma/Duke Special performances in between shows.
machine levine
You don't sound dull Gari. You sound lovely.
(Assuming you're a girl)
((If not, you probably are a bit dull))
(((but in a good way)))
Comment of the week, Beth.
And isn't Clive James on Sky Arts? That's got to be worth the price of a ticket.
I currently subscribe to the Variety Mix, which is pretty good (Alibi, Watch, Dave, FX, Paramount, Sci-Fi, Virgin - because Virgin won't carry Sky, but are happy to have their channel carried by Sky). Unfortunately, to get Sky Arts, I'd have to subscribe to the Style & Culture Mix, whose channels interest me not very much: UKTV Food, Diva TV, Star One, Real Lives, Discovery Real Time, TCM (which already comes with Sky Movies), UKTV Gardens. This is a fairly lame package - what a shame Sky Arts is bundled in with these relative runts. It sounds like it deserves better.
Of course, the production company who make What The Dickens will send me a DVD of my episode if I ask them, but it's not the same as watching it "go out" on the telly.
True it's a lame package. I was streamlining my subscription and discovered it would only save £1 per month so I kept it just for Sky Arts.
I get sports too, which I have to say was an awful lot better when it was a monoply.
Well, thank you Musters, I guess I'm a bit dull. I am not a girl. Don't let the Russian spelling of Gari fool you. It has got me into problems in the past. But thank you anyway.
The last series of What The Dickens was recently shown on Sky 3 (on Freeview) so maybe your one will get repeated too.
Is it more of less 'intellectual' than BBC4's The Book Quiz?
TBQ's questions were actually pretty easy and not at all as erudite as I expected.
I always assumed that it would be quite difficult given that I don't consider myself particularly well-read.
And another question: does Sue Perkins only ever appear on these shows and nothing else? I really seeing her on TBQ, as well.
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