Queen
In the 56th Collings & Herrin Podcast, we give equal, self-defeatingly critical airtime to both Magners Cider and Oatibix in an effort to confuse our potential sponsors. We pay tribute to the Essex Princess, worry about John Terry's mum, applaud Gordon Brown for making Princess Anne Queen, mouth the word "bollocks" to see if it's offensive, and deconstruct David Jason's accidentally racist joke. Thanks to Robin Bresnark for making the superb t-shirts we are wearing in this week's pic, and apologies for anyone making assumptions from the way Richard looks - he's getting into character for the publicity photo session for his Edinburgh show and at the same time baiting Mel Gibson from afar. Perhaps you'd like to suggest a title.
posted by Andrew Collins @ 12:36 PM
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27 Comments:
What I find ironic about the Magners Cider ads is that for all their claims to be "the real thing", all Irish down-to-earth rootsy romanticism, and proper, earthy organic produce, it's shamelessly all been done on a computer. Makes you wonder if they use real apples.
Dear Mr Collings,
It appears the young man with the orange juice who puts up your podcasts has accidentally uploaded the wrong one, as the file available under Podcast 56 is a repeat of the last one. Though it was a rather good one, I'm sure people would rather here the one you've just done more.
Cheers.
I'm a relatively recent convert to your podcasts so I've had the pleasure of working my way through them all in past few months.
I often listen to them as I'm trying to sleep, although I have no idea why - they are rubbish for that!
As a concession to my neighbours I use headphones.
And, as a concession to my desire to not accidentally strangle myself on headphone cable as I sleep, I place the headphones under my pillow.
This arrangement was very satisfactory until last night when I listened to podcast 42 or 43, I forget which. Anyway, it's the one where Rich goes off to collect his posh hamper and you tell us what you plan to buy him for Christmas. Remember?
Well that breathy whispering thing you did was fucking weird when heard over headphones secreted beneath a pillow; even though you were talking about Rich, you were definitely whispering directly to me; in my ear as I lay in bed.
I got the impression that you wanted to bum me.
That made me feel slightly vulnerable, a tad homoerotic and a little bit embarrassed - to the extent that I caught myself wearing a coy smile and a semi.
christ alive AC: herring is in a godawful mood in this one.
do tell him to cheer up and take onboard that criticism he read out: its fairly wearing to listen to him constantly swear pointlessly, insult ur stories for being 'boring' then bang on endlessly about his tour without a shred of self-awareness.
oh, and his attempt at a scottish accent is a massive rip-off of the bloke from Dads Army. i know this all sounds v negative, but i do love ur contributions to the podcast - long may they continue (uninterrupted)!
urs,
somebloke
thanks for another excellent podcast guys. I really do appreciate it, I remember andrew said it was the higlight of his week and I can honestly say it is mine too in a time when I do not have much else to smile or laugh about. It means alot so I vow to scrape together some cash to see some of your live shows. keep them coming please you brilliant oatmilk bummers.
Good lord, what on earth are you doing with David Seaman? He's let himself go.
For a second (ok, about thirty seconds) I thought Richard's T shirt said 'I hate cat milk'. Just thought I'd share that. For the record I've never tried cat milk, so I don't have an opinion of it either way.
Interesting, slightly manic poscast this week - great news about the five day run in Edinburgh; my £6 towards bunnage is assured. On the thing about the 50 year old lady who looked eighty, I've often wondered why you never got someone to remove the bags under your eyes on the frontpage image? I half thought you were deliberately trying to look a bit world weary - you certainly look better elsewhere ... don't get me wrong, it's a good photo of you ... oh dear, this isn't coming out right ... I'm sure you're happy with it but here's a slightly photoshopped version - I'll delete this in a day or so:
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3453/3391205980_c5fe5a5834_o.jpg
Did you edit out two minutes of this podcast? It's not the regulation 1:06:36. Given the wonderfully 'bad taste' stuff you left in I shudder to think what you felt the need to edit out!
Anyway, excellent podcast as usual.
Adam
Robin Bresnark, as in bloke who used to write for what Allan Jones always calls "what used to be Melody Maker"? If it's the same Robin Bresnark, what is Robin Bresnark up to these days?!
I really enjoyed this week's podcast, even if I do now have to fill in an extra 121 seconds of my life, BY MYSELF. What gives?
David: you are very cruel to an old man.
Adam: there's no point in trying to deny it - we made a very brief edit to this week's podcast, imperceptibly edited by me. It was simply a matter of crossing a line and choosing to censor ourselves - you see, we do have a set of morals! (It was just something that came out wrong, don't bother trying to work out what it was, or where it was, it really doesn't matter. Ours is after all the only unedited podcast on iTunes.) That's three edits in 58 hours of podcast, I believe.
Somebloke: like it or not, Richard operates with far more than "a shred of self-awareness", I can assure you. Equally, we don't get paid for doing this, so you can't blame us for plugging other, paying avenues of our work, especially a national tour, which can be a terrifying prospect for a stand-up comedian. (It was nice when he let me tell two stories without interrupting me this week, but only for its novelty value.)
StuartD: I'm assuming it's that Robin Bresnark, as it's an unusual name. Step forward, Robin Bresnark!
I'm sorry Andrew - didn't mean to infer you look anything other than a youthful thirtyseveral- I feel much shame.
I’m worried…!!
You and Rich were at each others throats a bit this week. I hope this isn’t anything that can’t be patched up over a bun or two.
Andrew,
I forgot to add, the podcast is fantastic I’m not sure you and Rich know how well, or why it is adored so much by its listeners.
Not much chance of a jolly to Edinburgh for me. Got made redundant recently. Baked beans on toast for me until I find the next regular pay cheque.
"...you can't blame us for plugging other, paying avenues..."
Enough with the bumming...
I haven't heard the podcast but there's Richard with oatmilk on his chest and he's trying to master baiting Mel Gibson. I got nothing.
I thought this weeks podcast was actually one of the best ones for a while, Mister Herring is most entertaining when he is pissed off and tired. And I remember your voice over from the 90's, but it didn't persuade me to buy Terrorvision's album.
And I told my mum the 'Scottish cloakroom attendant' joke and she said "That's not racist... if anything it's cute". she didn't like the David Jason version though.
"don't bother trying to work out what it was, or where it was"
It was just after "was there not a plastic bag left over for Ashley's head?" and I'd guess it was about Jon Gaunt. :P
Have you seen the new picture of Richard on his twitter page? It's the most disturbing Hitler impression I've seen since Mr Bronson from Grange Hill in Indiana Jones and the last crusade.
Just listened to the podcast - you know I'm a fan, but eager to point out that Frank Carson is, in fact, widely received as Northern Irish, born and bred, as he was, in Northern Ireland. As a fellow countryperson, I share Carson's NI nationality, and not that of, say, Terry Wogan. No offence to Sir Terry.
Of course Frank Carson is Northern Irish. I'm sorry to have failed to make the distinction, Kirstie - although it was just on a rambling podcast. I did this once before on a blog I wrote for the Guardian about TV's depiction of "the Troubles" - instead of sparking a lively debate about that very subject, most of the comments were about my apparently incendiary use of the all-encompassing description "Irish" to mean those who live on the island of Ireland. (I was talking about how an "Irish" audience might respond, as opposed to an English, Welsh or Scottish one. I accept there are political issues afoot here, but in the case of Carson's piece about Irish jokes, he was not writing as a Northern Irishman, but as an Irishman. Most of the now outmoded old Irish jokes make no distinction either. They are insulting and demeaning to all Irish people. I was merely - subconsciously - trying to unite the people of Ireland through language.
I loved Terrovision's cover of "Psycho Killer."
Don't worry too much, Andrew. Most of us in NI have grown out of the phase of caring whether we're referred to as Irish or British. We have the pleasure of being either when it suits us! We've all learned though (all politics aside) to say we're Irish when in Europe or further abroad. The number of times I've been met with a stern look and been asked "British?" and replied, "Irish", only to see a massive welcoming grin spead across their face. It's really quite something. I recommend everyone tries it.
Kirstie McCrum is of course entitled to her viewpoint, as are the significant number of others who would share it. You can play it safe and always say "Northern Irish", but most people who listen to you are of intelligence and understanding and wouldn't take offence at such a trivial matter. That's not to say Kirstie isn't intelligent... I'll stop digging while I can still climb out of this hole and run away now.
Would it be entirely inappropriate to point out that the picture on your shirts is wheat, not oats? I can't imagine you drinking wheat milk.
Steps forward, bows, rips trousers PJ Proby-style. Backs nervously out of room concealing modesty...
I can testify that the picture is definitely an oat and so can this link: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/1138630. And that oat took a bloody eternity to cut out in Photoshop! Of course, you know how it is, you take a grain home, it promises it's an oat and you only discover weeks later that it's lied to you all along.
I went to visit a friend the other day, and whilst making me a cup of tea she told me that she only had oat milk.
It was rather difficult to explain the resulting amusement.
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