Comfort Zone
"It's the Celebrity Masterchef Final ... I have put absolutely everything into this competition - everything ... THESE CELEBRITIES ARE ALL PASSIONATE ABOUT FOOD! ... I'm not going to give up; I will fight to the very end for this ... WE'RE LOOKING FOR THAT EXCEPTIONAL COOKING STYLE! ... SOMEONE WHO'S MORE THAN JUST A GOOD HOME COOK! ... SOMEONE WITH THAT EXTRA SOMETHING SPECIAL! ... This is it: winner takes all! ... It's Judgement Day!"
It's been a thrilling competition, shot through, as ever, with the usual cliches: going on a journey, of course, but this year, an awful lot of being out of your comfort zone too. Iwan Thomas, the runner, was the most irritating of the three finalists, in that his brazen sportsperson's desire to win - and to state that aim, over and over again ("I'm here to win, did I mention that? You're either a winner or a loser, and I am not a loser") - strayed into psychopathy. (He was "gutted" to lose, of course, and - certainly in the edit - had nothing congratulatory to say about Jayne Middlemiss, no "the best woman won", no "I was beaten by a better cook, and I did, after all, fall to cook all of my Mediterranean vegetables properly." But hey, that's sportspeople and their inhuman drive.)
Wendi Peters, previously a Battersby on Coronation Street, was a much more human, mumsy finalist, although seemed to enjoy the glamorous Moroccan stage of the tournament less than the others, with her downturned mouth fixed into that position. I must admit, I was gunning for Jayne all week, as the final three were "put through their paces" and made to cook in gruelling conditions, including a van in a car park - maybe because she's the only contestant I have met and talked to (when she was on 6 Music), and liked. Also, I felt sorry for her to initially be captioned "Ex-Top Of The Pops presenter" - that was about ten years ago! Why not just put "presenter"? (Also, since Top Of The Pops no longer exists, Tony Blackburn and Noel Edmonds are ex-Top Of The Pops presenters. They all are. Everybody's an ex something if you want to imply that they're in some way washed up. Not very nice.) Anyway, Jayne and Iwan came the furthest over the weeks, whereas Wendi was an accomplished "pudding cook" (to use John's words) from the start. It's good to see people improve their licks.
Downsides of the programme? Too much repetition of footage throughout (it's on on consecutive nights, we can remember what just happened!), and far too much "throwing ahead", requiring judicious fast-forwarding if you don't wish to see the best bits before the programme starts - but these are not crimes exclusive to Masterchef. Clearly, there's too much SHOUTING by Greg and John, but I'm afraid they are locked into these caricatures now, and we can never go back. The editing of their judgely conversations is still done with a blunt spatula - a disjointed collage of statement and reaction, with even the interaction with contestants clearly shot afterwards - it makes you wonder if these two ever have a normal chat. It would be disarming to witness. And you might argue that flying everybody out to North Africa to cook a tagine was a profligate use of the licence fee, but thinking about it, they probably got put up in Richard Branson's posh hotel for nothing.
Also, I'm not sure why they still get contestants back from previous series to have another attempt (this year including: Tony Hadley, Rowland Rivron, Linda Barker, Jeff Green, a scary-looking Marie Helvin, and, yes, Wendi) - surely they must be able to recruit some new "celebrities" if they're prepared to call an actor off Hotel Babylon one. As ever, I wished I was on the programme, and spent too long wondering how I would cope in the heat of the professional kitchen and what I would do with the random aubergine, seabass and cherries. And then wondering if I would be comfortable being captioned, "Ex-features editor of magazine." (And what if I accidentally spoke of leaving my comfort zone?)
This time last year, when I expressed my unconfined joy about Celebrity Masterchef, one bright spark was moved to comment, "Who cares?" Well, clearly, if you didn't care then, you won't suddenly start caring now. I still find it a compelling format: 24 amateur cooks from all walks of the media and sport having a bash at some cooking, with two men on hand to bark timings at them ("15 MINUTES LEFT, PEOPLE!") and then tell them that their dish is well seasoned, well flavoured and that the duck is cooked to perfection (if you're lucky).
And, lest we forget ...
posted by Andrew Collins @ 8:51 AM
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27 Comments:
Looking at those two champions screen-grabs makes me think that the picture quality on iPlayer must have improved since last year.
"Looking back" and "throwing forward" clips are the bane of many a lifestyle show nowadays. Getting ready for when they're moved onto channels with ads maybe?
The file sizes for iplayer downloads are now close to 100% bigger so I imagine there must be some increase in picture quality as a result of that. Personally I can't see it though and I think it's a waste of bandwidth for the bbc to be trying to cram broadcast quality images onto peoples 15" monitors.
Haven't seen the show but glad Jayne won - whenever I see her on tv I have a pavlovian response of having to say "The Oah-Zoane"
craigcher... if crying, not being very good in the earlier rounds and getting help all the time are what it takes to be a masterchef, Jayne was fantastic
Aww, lovely Liz. I forgot about her. I think they just give the award to the best looking female contestant, really.
But well done to the - also lovely Jayne - (I knew she's win!) - she had the PASSION for food, where as Iwan simply wanted to win whatever he was doing (and his food in the final looks very pedestrian).
The quality of the cooking in Celebrity Masterchef is clearly worse than that of the regular edition. That's what can get a bit boring about this version: the food's simply not that great.
Greg's criteria for what makes a good pudding seems to be a bit basic, still: so long as there's plenty of sugar in it, he loves it. I think Michael Roux was the best judge, as he clearly knows what makes "OUTSTANDING" food.
I heard they might be doing vegetarian Masterchef later in the year. Hope this is true, as, if nothing else, the critics will have to find new things to say instead of just "perfectly cooked duck" or whatever. It would also be nice if they got another judge to present it, ala Roux Jr.
Also, you're right: the Beeb have upped the iPlayer quality quite considerably in the last year. Good for quality; not good for those with bandwidth caps.
Totally agree with you on the review and preview bits in pretty much every BBC programme these days. Just seems to be a way of stretching 15 minutes of footage into half an hour.
I can only think that Greg and John are at opposite ends of the seemingly huge kitchen when they do their shouting routine.
So, wtf didthey describe Middlemass as? "Former Mackem TOTP presenter"? "Only one I've enven heard of"?
"The quality of the cooking in Celebrity Masterchef is clearly worse than that of the regular edition. That's what can get a bit boring about this version: the food's simply not that great."
This. Some celebrity will melt some goat's cheese on some bread and John and Gregg will go "It's a bit simple but I can taste the bread, I can taste the cheese, it really works!". It's more than a bit silly.
What I really, really can't stand anymore is all the endless little vox pops with contestants saying how hard the competition is, how they really want this, how they need to step up their game, etc.
As someone who has to watch a very great deal of "lifestyle television" in a job that frequently takes me out of my comfort zone (and into a zone that involves back-to-back Cash In The Attic till my eyes bleed), I can confirm that the flash forward/looking back bits are indeed padding, padding, padding. The average original content in a 45 minute Homes Under The Hammer, for example, totals just under 130seconds. The rest is just looped. Like an extended ambient remix of a 3 minute interstitial.
I found the way that the show was obviously made to be broadcast in half hour slots, but then had these bundled together into two hour long and one hour hour show.
The hour long episodes were just too long, and had an obvious winding down point in the middle, where you prepared for the show to come to an end, only to realise there was still another half hour.
What annoys me most about the show are the number of tasks and challenges they are given, particularly in the final weeks, which are then not mentioned at all when it comes to the judges making their final decisions. It always just seems to come down to who cooks the best meal, and how they performed in the other tasks means nothing. What's the point of these tasks, other than to show "the journey" they're all going through?
(OK, in the celeb version the professional kitchen type tasts are a bit silly, as it's not as if the celebs are looking to become full time chefs, but these rounds are also ignored in the non-celeb versions).
Oh, and I also disagreed with practically every decision of the judges this year, including the final result.
Oh, and regarding the review and preview bits, these were annoying as always, but not half as annoying as in Torchwood.
We just saw it yesterday, and will see the next bit tomorrow. We are not idiots, we can remember what happened one day again, and actually like the excitement and anticipation of having to wait a day to see what happens next.
I watched the Liz one last year and got hooked on it but missed out this year, just saw a couple of episodes. It is good television but with annoyances like the ones mentioned. Call your agent Collins, get involved. I must say though that if the two middle-aged men choose another attractive, perky young lady next year I'm writing to my MP :) I saw Jayne Middlemiss once by a bus stop in Islington...
As for the returning celebrities, I think this is part of the usual Masterchef mix, as in the "real people" version there is always a week where people who have tried and failed come back to try and fail again.
Andrew - I'm not sure "ex-Top of the Pops presenter" or ex- anything implies she's washed up. If I'm anything like representative of the general public then maybe that's just what she was most well-known for. I for one have no idea what she's been up to lately. I'd say that if they really had it in for her they would have said "ex-Page 3 model". Maybe because you know and like her you're a bit more sensitive to her description than the rest of us.
Didn't she win an I'm A Celebrity, or something even worse? Whatever else she is, or no longer is, she's not an ex-celebrity.
Word verification: RATIONA
That's almost a dirty word in my book.
I think Wendi should have won, but am not complaining as I won a bet with my boyfriend - he picked Wendi but I picked Jayne to win knowing the judges would favour "her journey". They always seem prejudiced against someone who was quite good to begin with.
Why has everything on reality tv become "a journey" rather than just getting on with it?
Met Gregg Wallace in a restaurant and have to confirm that he does actually talk in that exaggerated 'caricature' way! Really nice bloke.
Looking at the last two screen shots it would appear that the credit crunch has hit the production team at MasterChef!
Liz McClarnon's 2008 trophy would appear to be a much sturdier and altogether robust prize than that presented to Jayne Middlemiss in these times of crunched credit. It also reminds me of one of those 70s child's toys where you have to guide a looped wire around the shape without setting off the incredibly annoying buzzer.
Shame on the BBC. They can fly the whole production team out to North Africa but they can't provide their meritorious champion with a trophy which reflect her commitment to the MasterChef experience.
I was very disappointed Jayne won, all that crying was extremely annoying.
"Blub blub, I cannae do pasta howa ma ganna do pasta, blub blub"
Going in to the semi's, Wendi was looking head and shoulders ahead of the others, but the editing of her loosing her cool and refusing to taste the food with the "red meat" and cabbage had her on a hiding to nothing. Her smugness about her puddings got my goat('s cheese on a beetroot and radish salad)
Which left Iwan, by default my favourite. But unfortunately couldn't cook.
I've just wasted the last 6 weeks of my life watching this and no doubt i'll watch it again next year.
Rich
I throughly enjoyed it all, and marvelled at some of the celebrities who take part - some in the loosest possible sense. I wonder if they mass call all agents to see who's interested in appearing.
Some might do it because they need the exposure and some because they genuinely love to cook - Jane and Wendi were both clearly good cooks who cared about food. Iwan Thomas did in the end but at first he couldn't tell pork from Turkey, and how he got through is a bit of a mystery unless they needed a man to balance things out.
But the names are all pretty D-list at the end of the day, and it's always ex-Brookside actor so and so or round the world yachtswoman so and so - hardly household names. You don't see Dame Judi Dench or John Humphreys taking part do you, no matter how much they might like to cook.
Still, it's all very enjoyable, especially to watch while you're eating.
Disappointed you didn't mention your occasional sparring partner, Mr Colin Murray. I was hoping he'd progress because I think he's underrated in the media world - and he made a lovely steak sandwich.
But anyone can make a lovely steak sandwich.
Goodbye Colin.
Had us gripping the arms of the chair here to the end, even though it was pretty obvious Jayne would pip it at the post after the tears flowed.
Never watched it in the Lloyd Grossman days but hardly miss an episode with the SHOUTERS. Mind you we didn't wathc the "professionals" series they did. Anyone see that?
P.S. Now onto disc 2 of WDIAGR. Very good reading sir.
@qrter
"Some celebrity will melt some goat's cheese on some bread and John and Gregg will go "It's a bit simple but I can taste the bread, I can taste the cheese, it really works!". It's more than a bit silly"
If there was a 'recommend' button on these comments, I'd be clicking it for that :-)
Other than by throwing it into an active volcano, how do you cook a duck in such a way that it doesn't come out 'moist'? It's 98% lard after all...
Who Cares?!!!!
Just kidding Andrew!
Think that might have been me last year that had a moan.
Bad day I guess.
It was indeed, Dara, but I didn't want to name names! (We all have bad days.)
Jayne irrititated the hell out of me! So needy and fragile - I wonder how things would have been if she had lost? Did she in the end manage to emotionally blackmail her way to the title?
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